Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You don't have to get a haircut

Here I go
And there's no turning back
My great adventure has begun
I may be small
But I've got giant plans
To shine as brightly as the sun

I will blaze until I find my time and place
I will be fearless,
Surrendering modesty and grace
I will not disappear without a trace
I'll shout and start a riot
Be anything but quiet
Christopher Columbus
I'll be astonishing

I can't really explain it
I haven't got the words
It's a feeling that you can't control
I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are
And, at the same time, something makes you whole
It's like that there's a music playing in your ear
And I'm listening, and I'm listening, and then I disappear

If I didn't believe in you
We'd never have gotten this far
If I didn't believe in you
And all of the ten thousand women you are
If I didn't think you could do
Anything you ever wanted to
If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow
The fact of the matter is, Cathy
I wouldn't be standing here now

And then I feel a change
Like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open
Impossible to hide
And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I'm free, I'm free

I thought, together,
We'd amaze the world
How can I live my dreams or even start
When everything has come apart?

I thought home was all I'd ever want
My attic, all I'd ever need
Now, nothing feels the way it was before
And I don't know how to proceed
I only know I'm meant for something more
I've got to know if I can be

I care, I'll lift you up to
See where I will always
Be there, any time you call
And I will take us back
Into a life of more than we've
Been through, beyond the lengths that we
Went to to be here, after all
And though we sometimes stumble and you're scared
I'm always there to catch your fall...

I'll give you stars and the moon and the open highway
And a river beneath your feet
I'll give you day full of dreams if you travel my way
And a summer you can't repeat
I'll give you nights full of passion and days of adventure
No strings, just warm summer rain

I am not that brave
Sometimes I need to hear you whisper
"Everything's O.K... You'll be fine
I'll help you find your way..."
And I have nothing but faith in you
All that I am is what you are and we are
I would give anything up for you...

It's a bit like being angry,
it's a bit like being scared
Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell
It's like when you've been crying
And you're empty and you're full
I don't know what it is, it's hard to tell

But lie in my arms while you're sleeping
And think of the rivers you've crossed
I'll tell you the dreams I've been keeping
For moments like this
When your hope is lost

There's a life
That I am meant to lead
A life like nothing I have known
I can feel it
And it's far from here
I've got to find it on my own

Hear my song
It'll help you believe in tomorrow
Hear my song
It'll show you the way you can shine
Hear my song
It was made for the time
When you don't know where to go
Listen to the song that I sing
You'll be fine

Even now, I feel its heat upon my skin
A life of passion that pulls me from within
A life that I am making to begin
There must be somewhere I can be

Child, I know you're frightened
And your throat's parched and dry
But just trust in Mama's singing
And the gift tomorrow's bringing
Trust it, don't ask why

Just lie in my arms
And I'll tell you
The things that you know but forget
The lies no one ever could sell you
I know that it's hard
But don't give up yet

I don't want you to hurt
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine!
Just hang on and you'll see-
But don't make me wait till you do
To be happy with you
Will you listen to me?
No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin
I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Cathy
I will not lose because you can't win

But I was sure that all I ever wanted
Was a life that was scripted and planned
And he said, "But you don't understand —

Listen to the song that I sing
Listen to the words in my heart
Listen to the hope I can bring
And you'll start to grow
And shine

Listen to the song that I sing
And trust me
We'll be fine

A new world calls across the ocean...


"If I Didn't Believe In You", The Last Five Years by Jason Robert Brown
"Brave", Gavin Mikhail
"Catch Your Fall", Gavin Mikhail
"Electricity", Billy Elliot by Elton John
"Astonishing", Little Women by somebody I can't remember the name of, hee hee
"Stars and the Moon", Songs for a New World by Jason Robert Brown
"Hear My Song", Songs for a New World by Jason Robert Brown

How do you feel today?

Sometimes, the music in your head can answer that question better than you can.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Email received from The Sea Shepherd Society

S.O.S. - Sea Shepherd Attacked – Urgent Help Needed!

Emergency Update: From the Frontlines
 of the Whale Wars
Dear Pamela,
Our vessels and crews and have been ATTACKED! Lives have been threatened. A vessel has been destroyed. This day will go down in infamy. 
We will not give up. We will not retreat. We will not surrender to those who want to do harm. We need your support today now more than ever.
Earlier today, our vessel the Ady Gil was severely damaged and almost sunk in a vicious and unprovoked attacked by a Japanese whaling harpoon vessel many times its size. Thecrew barely escaped with their lives and were rescued by our newest vessel the Bob Barker.
There is a battle between "David and Goliath." The illegal Japanese whalers are trying to physically harm and financially destroy your nonprofit whale defenders -- the Sea Shepherds. Show the whalers and the government of Japan that they cannot get away with this.
As I write, my valiant crews remain at sea, vigilant in their pursuit to stop the whalers. Our defense of the whales needs to continue in the Southern Oceans. We are their only hope.
Sea Shepherd is the only organization in the world directly intervening to save these magnificent and innocent beings but we cannot do it without you.
Please stand with us and click here to make a donation today or call 877-WHALES-911 (877-942-5379)* as we continue our fight in the coming days, weeks, months, year- whatever it takes.
From the bridge of the Steve Irwin, I thank you,

Watson Signature 

Captain Paul Watson
P.S. Due to the large number of people trying to access our website from all over the world, you may find that our main website pages load slowly, however, our donate page is operating well at this time. In the meantime, we are working to get our main website up to speed.
*To call from anywhere outside of the US or Canada, dial +1-416-645-4677.

*Donations to Sea Shepherd have tax benefits in the United States, United Kingdom, the Netherlands, and France.
Ady Gil rammed 2

The Japanese whaling security ship Shonan Maru No. 2 is caught on camera deliberately ramming and causing catastrophic damage
 to the stationary Sea Shepherd catamaran Ady Gil
Campaign Images: JoAnne McArthur/Sea Shepherd

Monday, January 4, 2010

Marian Keyes

Marian Keyes' latest newsletter entry illustrated to me just how tough a time she's been having recently... I wondered why she hadn't updated her newsletter since September, and now I know - she's suffering from depression again. I thought her entry was a timely reminder of how important it is to be compassionate toward those suffering an illness that we may not have experienced ourselves. I personally know that I need this reminder.

Wishing Marian, and all those like Marian, a speedy recovery.



My dear amigos, happy new year to you all and I hope your festive season was not too unpleasant. I’m very sorry but this is going to be a very short piece because I am laid low with crippling depression. Regular readers know that I’ve been prone to depression on and off over the years but this is in a totally different league. This is much much worse. I know I’m leaving myself open to stinky journalists saying ‘What has she got to be depressed about, the self-indulgent whiner, when there are people out there with real troubles?’ so I won’t go on about it.

All I will say is that I’m aware that these are terrible times and that there are people out there who have been so ruined by the current economic climate that they’ve lost the roof over their heads and every day is a battle for basic survival and I wish I could make their pain go away. But although I’m blessed enough to have a roof over my head, I still feel like I’m living in hell. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t write, I can’t read, I can’t talk to people. The worst thing is that I feel it will never end. I know lots of people don’t believe it, but depression is an illness, but unlike say, a broken leg, you don’t know when it’ll get better.

I’ve been trying to read helpful, comforting and inspiring bits and pieces because I can’t manage novels and I’ve included some of them at the bottom of the page, in the hope that you might find them helpful, comforting and inspiring at some time too.

So amigos, I’m sorry to abandon you for the moment. Full service will be restored at some stage, I hope. Thank you in advance for your kindness because you’ve always been so lovely to me and once again Happy New Year. I hope it’s a nice one for you.


That’s the thing about depression. A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.
Elizabeth Wurtzel Prozac Nation


Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see.
Bill Wilson, in a letter 1950 in How Bill Sees It


Why allow salt water to rust your heart
When the world is brimming with pure sweet water


Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
© Mary Oliver.


There is a crack, a crack in everything. It’s how the light gets in
L Cohen


This too shall pass
AA slogan


And did you get what
You wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
Beloved on the earth
Raymond Carver, Late Fragment


Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
Resume by Dorothy Parker


The mind is its own place and in itself can make heaven of hell and a hell of heaven.
John Milton


Just for today
AA slogan


I am the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be a cheerful face on earth. Whether I shall ever be better, I cannot tell; I awfully forbode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible. I must die or be better.
Abraham Lincoln


Be Ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up where you are.
You’ve been stony for too many years. Try something different.
Rumi from A Necessary Autumn Inside Each


No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
CS Lewis


Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.
CS Lewis


Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in getting up every time that you do
Confucius, Chinese philosopher and reformer


Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

Portia Nelson’s “There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk


To be or not to be: that is the question
Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing, end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep we say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
The flesh is heir to, tis a consummation
devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep.
Hamlet (3/1)


God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Reinhold Niebuhr


Holly Golightly: You know the days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds. You mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat, and maybe it’s been raining too long. You’re just sad, that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid, and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Breakfast at Tiffanys by Truman Capote


I have studiously tried to avoid ever using the word ‘madness’ to describe my condition. Now and again, the word slips out, but I hate it. ‘Madness’ is too glamourous a term to convey what happens to most people who are losing their minds. That word is too exciting, too literary, too interesting in its connotions to convey to bordeom, the slowness, the dreariness, the dampness of depression.
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation


Nobody tells me. Nobody keeps me informed. I make it 17 days come Friday since anybody spoke to me
Eeyore, The house at Pooh Corner by AA Milne


I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, master Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Master Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Sam, The Two Towers, Lord of the Rings


My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?
Christ on the cross (even though he knew he wasn’t actually forsaken at all…)


If you are going through hell, keep going
Winston Churchill