The Fairy Soprano

New pic for sing-songy things

2012-01-14T17:45:00.000-08:00

Jimmy Walsh Photography

Jimmy was so sweet and easy to get on with.

Superstar! <3 March 1, 2011

Viva La Vida (Coldplay)

2012-01-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, James!

#KaraokeSecretSanta

#KSS2011

Mir ist die Ehre ("Der Rosenkavalier" - Strauss)

2011-12-19T04:01:00.000-08:00

Duet with Ellen Malone, mezzo-soprano

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

I want magic! ("A Streetcar Named Desire" - Andre Previn)

2011-12-12T03:59:00.000-08:00

I WANT MAGIC!

Real! Who wants real?

I know I don't want it. I want magic!

Magic! Yes! That's what I want!

That's what I try to give to people.

I do misrepresent things.

I don't tell the truth.

But I tell what ought to be the truth.

What it ought to be.

Yes, magic. Magic's what I try to give to people.

If that's a sin,

If that is such a sin, then let me be... damned for it!

Don't turn on that light!

It'll all look so ugly in that light.

Why not see by candlelight... or moonlight, or by starlight?

They are bright enough to see by.

Sometimes too bright.

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

The Black Swan ("The Medium" - Menotti)

2011-12-05T03:50:00.000-08:00

THE BLACK SWAN

The sun has fallen and it lies in blood.

The moon is weaving bandages of gold.

O black swan, where, oh, where is my lover gone?

Torn and tattered is my bridal gown,

And my lamp is lost, and my lamp is lost.

With silver needles and with silver thread,

The stars stitch a shroud for the dying sun.

O black swan, where, oh, where has my lover gone?

I had given him a kiss of fire,

And a golden ring, and a golden ring.

Don't you hear your lover moan?

Eyes of glass and feet of stone,

Shells for teeth and weeds for tongue,

Deep, deep, down in the river's bed,

He's looking for the ring.

Eyes wide open, never asleep,

He's looking for the ring, looking for the ring.

The spools unravel and the needles break,

The sun is buried and the stars weep.

O black wave, O black wave, take me away with you.

I will share with you my golden hair,

And my bridal crown, and my bridal crown.

Oh, take me down with you

Take me down to my wand'ring lover

With my child unborn, with my child unborn.

Duet with Bronwyn Douglass, mezzo-soprano

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

Monica's Waltz ("The Medium" - Menotti)

2011-11-28T03:44:00.000-08:00

MONICA'S WALTZ

Bravo! And after the theatre, supper and dance. Music! Umpapa, umpapa,

Up in the sky, someone is playing a trombone and a guitar.

Red is your tie, and in your velvetine coat, you hide a star.

Monica, Monica, dance the waltz; Monica, Monica, dance the waltz.

Follow me, moon and sun; keep time with me; one, two, three, one.

If you're not shy, pin up my hair with your star, and buckle my shoe.

And when you fly, please hold on tight to my waist; I'm flying with you. Oh,

Monica, Monica, dance the waltz; Monica, Monica, dance the waltz.

Follow me, moon and sun,

Follow me, follow, follow me, follow me, follow, follow me.

What is the matter, Toby? What is it you want to tell me?

Kneel down before me, and now, tell me...

Monica, Monica, can't you see, that my heart is bleeding, bleeding for you?

I loved you, Monica, all my life, with all my breath, with all my blood.

You haunt the mirror of my sleep; you are my night.

You are my light, and the jailer of my day.

How dare you, scoundrel, talk to me like that! Don't you know who I am?

I'm the Queen of Aroundel! I shall have you put in chains!

You are my princess, you are my queen, and I'm only Toby, one of your slaves,

And still I love you and always loved you with all my breath, with all my blood.

I love your laughter; I love your hair; I love your deep and nocturnal eyes.

I love your soft hands, so white and winged; I love the slender branch of your throat.

Toby, don't speak to me like that! You make my head swim.

Monica, Monica, fold me in your satin gown.

Monica, Monica, give me your mouth;

Monica, Monica, fall in my arms.

Why, Toby! You're not crying, are you?

Toby, I want you to know that you have the most beautiful voice in the world!

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

The Trees on the Mountain ("Susannah" - Carlisle Floyd)

2011-11-21T03:40:00.000-08:00

The trees on the mountains

are cold and bare.

The summer jes' vanished,

an' left them there

Like a false-hearted lover,

jes' like my own

Who made me love him,

then left me alone.

The coals on the hearth

have turned gray and sere.

The blue flame jes' vanished

an' left them there,

Like a false-hearted lover,

jes' like my own

Who made me love him,

then left me alone.

Come back, o summer,

come back, blue flame.

My heart wants warmin',

my baby a name.

Come back, o lover,

if jes' fer a day.

Turn bleak December

once more into May.

The road up ahead lies lonely an' far.

There's darkness around me

an' not even a star

To show me the way,

or lighten my heart.

Come back, my lover,

I fain would start.

The pore baby fox lies all cold in his lair.

His mama jes' vanished

an' left him there,

Like a false-hearted lover,

jes' like my own,

Who made me love him,

then left me alone.

Come back, o summer,

come back, blue flame!

My heart wants warmin',

my baby a name.

Come back, o lover,

if jes' fer a day.

Turn bleak December

once more into May.

Come back! Come back! Come back!

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

Ain't It A Pretty Night ("Susannah" - Carlisle Floyd)

2011-11-14T03:36:00.000-08:00

Ain't it a pretty night!

The sky's so dark and velvet-like

and it's all lit up with stars.

It's like a great big mirror

reflectin' fireflies over a pond.

Look at all them stars, Little Bat.

The longer y' look, the more y' see.

The sky seems so heavy with stars

that it might fall right down out of heaven

and cover us all up in one big blanket of velvet

all stitched with diamon's.

Ain't it a pretty night.

Just think, those stars can all peep down

an' see way beyond where we can:

They can see way beyond them mountains

to Nashville and Asheville an' Knoxville.

I wonder what it's like out there,

out there beyond them mountains

where the folks talk nice,

an' the folks dress nice

like y' see in the mail-order catalogs.

I aim to leave this valley someday

an' find out fer myself:

To see all the tall buildin's

and all the street lights

an' to be one o' them folks myself.

I wonder if I'd get lonesome fer the valley though,

fer the sound of crickets an' the smell of pine straw,

fer soft little rabbits an' bloomin' things

an' the mountains turnin' gold in the fall.

But I could always come back

if I got homesick fer the valley.

So I'll leave it someday an' see fer myself.

Someday I'll leave an' then I'll come back

when I've seen what's beyond them mountains.

Ain't it a pretty night.

The sky's so heavy with stars tonight

that it could fall right down out of heaven

an' cover us up, and cover us up,

in one big blanket of velvet and diamon's.

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

Youth, Day, Old Age, and Night (Ned Rorem)

2011-11-07T21:00:00.000-08:00

Youth, large, lusty, loving--youth full of grace, force, fascination,

Do you know that Old Age may come after you with equal grace,

force, fascination?

Day full-blown and splendid-day of the immense sun, action,

ambition, laughter,

The Night follows close with millions of suns, and sleep and

restoring darkness.

(Walt Whitman)

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

Alleluia (Ned Rorem)

2011-10-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

Alleluia!

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

Now sleeps the crimson petal (Ned Rorem)

2011-10-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

Now sleeps the crimson petal, now the white;

Nor waves the cypress in the palace walk;

Nor winks the gold fin in the porphyry font:

The firefly wakens: waken thou with me.

Now droops the milk-white peacock like a ghost,

And like a ghost she glimmers on to me.

Now lies the Earth all Danaë to the stars,

And all thy heart lies open unto me.

Now slides the silent meteor on, and leaves

A shining furrow, as thy thoughts in me.

Now folds the lily all her sweetness up,

And slips into the bosom of the lake:

So fold thyself, my dearest, thou, and slip

Into my bosom and be lost in me.

(Lord Alfred Tennyson)

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

The Serpent (Ned Rorem)

2011-10-17T02:55:00.000-07:00

There was a Serpent who had to sing.

There was. There was.

He simply gave up Serpenting.

Because. Because.

He didn't like his Kind of Life;

He couldn't find a proper Wife;

He was a Serpent with a soul;

He got no Pleasure down his Hole.

And so, of course, he had to Sing,

And Sing he did, like Anything!

The Birds, they were, they were Astounded;

And various Measures Propounded

To stop the Serpent's Awful Racket:

They bought a Drum. He wouldn't

Whack it.

They sent, —you always send, —to Cuba

And got a Most Commodious Tuba;

They got a Horn, they got a Flute,

But Nothing would suit.

He said, "Look, Birds, all this is futile:

I do not like to Bang or Tootle."

And then he cut loose with a Horrible Note

That practically split the Top of his Throat.

"You see," he said, with a Serpent's Leer,

"I'm Serious about my Singing Career!"

And the Woods Resounded with many a Shriek

As the Birds flew off to the end of Next Week.

(Theodore Roethke)

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

Oh, quante volte (Bellini)

2011-07-14T02:25:00.001-07:00

ECCOMI IN LIETA VESTA ... OH! QUANTE VOLTE

Eccomi in lieta vesta... eccomi adorna...

Come vittima all'ara. Oh! almen potessi

Qual vittima cader dell'ara al piede!

O nuzïali tede,

Abborrite così, così fatali,

Siate, ah! siate per me faci ferali.

Ardo... una vampa, un foco

Tutta mi strugge.

Un refrigerio ai venti io chiedo invano.

Ove se'tu, Romeo?

In qual terra t'aggiri?

Dove, dove invïarti i miei sospiri?

Oh! quante volte,

Oh! quante ti chiedo

Al ciel piangendo

Con quale ardor t'attendo,

E inganno il mio desir!

Raggio del tuo sembiante

Parmi il brillar del giorno:

L'aura che spira intorno

Mi sembra un tuo respir.

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews.

Edited for YouTube by JRR4FILM Productions.

"Oh! quante volte" is a lyric coloratura aria from the first act of the Italian opera "I Capuleti e i Montecchi" by Vincenzo Bellini, and is performed by the character Giulietta: the daughter of Capellio, and lover of Romeo. The scene is set on Giulietta's balcony in the palace of Capulet, Verona, Italy, in the fifteenth century; Giulietta is longing for Romeo to come and see her; she wishes to see his silhouette in the light of the day, and hear his sigh, which reminds her of the breeze. The opera is based on an opera by Nicola Vaccai, Giulietta e Romeo, which was based on the play by English playwright, William Shakespeare.

Pamela Andrews is a Tasmanian-born lyric soprano and a recent Master's graduate of the Australian National University. Pamela is currently studying with soprano Louise Page (Canberra), having previously studied under Jane Edwards and Marilyn Smith (Hobart). Read more about Pamela at http://www.sopranopamela.com

Alan Hicks is a graduate of Newcastle Conservatorium of Music (DSCM piano and flute) and the Royal Northern College of Music, Manchester (Diploma in Professional Performance with distinction). Alan is currently Head of Voice at the Australian National University. Read

more about pianist Alan Hicks at

http://music.anu.edu.au/academic-staff/Alan-Hicks

Let The Bright Seraphim

2011-07-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

LET THE BRIGHT SERAPHIM

Let the bright Seraphim in burning row,

Their loud uplifted Angel-trumpets blow.

Let the Cherubic host, in tuneful choirs,

Touch their immortal harps with golden wires.

Soprano: Pamela Andrews

Pianist: Alan Hicks

Filmed and recorded in Llewellyn Hall, Canberra, by the Australian National University, November 2010, on behalf of Pamela Andrews. Edited for YouTube by Joseph Restubog.

The magnificent trumpet aria, "Let the Bright Seraphim", occurs at the end of Händel's oratorio, Samson (HWV 57), and is a joyous, uplifting aria set directly after a funeral march. Interestingly, it was not the original ending to the work, and was added by Händel some twelve months after he had originally declared the work to be finished. The character of Manoah calls upon the Israelites to cease their mourning for Samson, which is followed thus by the trumpet aria. Sadly, we were not able to find a trumpeter for this performance. The trumpet part is instead written into the piano arrangement.

2011: the year of dreams coming true

2011-01-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

So I'm not going to bore you with resolutions for the new year, as I sit here chewing on a few Jaffas (from the 1kg bag of Jaffas I bought - and *obviously* needed). I won't talk about how I'm going to lose weight this year, or finally get a real job -- I'm going to write some lists.

Good Things About 2010

Joseph Restubog

Master of Music degree

ANU School of Music

Dido & Aeneas

Embassy performances

Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food

Pippa, Lucinda & Julia and new friends

Cassie Clare's The Mortal Instruments

Atkins diet (total of 21kg lost so far whilst dieting)

Cream

The Pervy Council

Miranda, Nurse Jackie, Merlin and Jeeves & Wooster

Bad Things About 2010

Missing my family and friends

Being a poor student again

Customers

Great Things Predicted for 2011

Joseph Restubog!

Earning money

Riding a bicycle

Passport

Pelee Island

Philadelphia

New York City

National anthems

*Possibly not comprehensive lists, but summations.

May the adventures continue. Hope your 2011 brings you lovely things!

Always,
Pam

Karaoke Secret Santa: 2010!

2010-12-26T15:09:00.000-08:00

Here is my contribution to Karaoke Secret Santa for 2010 (please click the link to check out the other videos - they're a mixture of beautiful, inspiring and hilarious!). My Secret Santa recipient was Mikael Short, a gorgeous girl from Utah who often graces YouTube with karaoke videos of her own. I wish her well in her performance career! Without further ado...

This is "Whatever You Imagine", originally performed by Wendy Moten for the Disney classic, The Pagemaster. Having said that, I haven't seen The Pagemaster, so the song was new to me. Recorded at half-past midnight on Christmas morning.

For anybody who missed it last year, here's my 2009 video as well:

Wishing you joy!

Pam

Quiet

2010-12-08T18:56:00.000-08:00

Fellow Music Lovers,

There are some songs from contemporary American music theatre that just smack me fair in the face and leave me bleeding on the floor, hopelessly in love with them. Usually, they're composed by Jason Robert Brown (I accepted long ago that I will always be a slave to his music), but this time, my fabulous pianistic friend Mikey (and fellow lover of good music) sent me a song on YouTube by a composer I'd never heard of, and I LOVE IT.

The song is called "Quiet", and it's from a show called "Forward", by American composer Jonathan Reid Gealt. The singer in this video is called Natalie Weiss. I find her to be a stunning, capable singer, and am hooked on her utterly convincing characterisation of somebody who has remained quiet for too long.

What makes this song even more fascinating and beautiful to me is the fact that it can be performed by a male singer -- and, in my opinion, be made even more powerful. I am utterly struck by this poignant performance by Tituss Burgess of "Quiet". What a fantastic performer. He is so at ease with his character. I have no hesitation in believing him, and am instantly drawn in, from his first word, to his conversational style of singing. Kudos indeed must go to the composer for the intelligent vocal setting of this compelling one-sided story, but further kudos are absolutely required for this amazing performer...

I hope you've enjoyed these two renditions. What a great song - a great composer - and two great performers. I'm having a deliciously lovely time looking up more about all three of them on YouTube.

Musically,
Pam

Pam's National Anthems Quest!

2010-12-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Folk of the Interweb,

Since finishing my Master of Music degree in November and commencing FT work, my musical spirit has been a little sad. My lovely Joseph theorises that it's because I'm not doing any singing (except in the car), and he could well be right. Paying the bills is all well and good, but my heart needs to SING! So I've got two projects on the go.

The first is Karaoke Secret Santa, a project dreamed up by Joseph Restubog in 2009. Details can be found at the Karaoke Secret Blog. We're a small pool of enthusiastic karaoke singers who are intent on spreading good Christmas cheer to each other! So, on December 11, the Elfster Secret Santa Gift Exchange will assign me a Secret Santa recipient, and, after perusing their musical wishlist, I shall choose a song to learn, and then video myself performing it! Upload it to YouTube by Christmas Eve, and Bob's your uncle. Merry Christmas!

The second project I'm going to be working on is a personal project that I've been thinking about doing for awhile. I enjoyed learning the first verse of the Welsh National Anthem so much this year that I've decided to make it a goal of mine to learn ALL national anthems of the world. Now, the Wikipedia page has informed me that there are MANY national anthems, and not all of them are referred to as national anthems, either. That's perfectly okay. What I want to do is learn each patriotic song from each country, which is going to involve a lot of brainpower on my end to get all the pronunciations and translations right! I'm so excited. It's going to be a great project for me! So many different languages and cultures... Just the thing to keep my mind occupied while I dwell on the fact that I'm no longer studying singing full-time, and figure out what to do next.

I will be recording all of these songs, just on my little digital camera, and upload them to YouTube, as a way of keeping track of the songs and letting you all hear what each different anthem sounds like! I'm trying to find non-naff karaoke versions on iTunes to download and sing to. Here's hoping I can avoid the really obvious MIDI-sounding tracks.

I'm going to start off easy, and the first anthems that I hope to learn/record are:

AUSTRALIA - "Advance Australia Fair" | score

UNITED KINGDOM - "God Save The Queen" | score

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - "The Star-Spangled Banner" | score

WALES - "My Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau" | score

With each post and recording, I hope to give a brief background of the piece and teach myself a little of the history of that particular country, especially with regard to their patriotism and national song. I welcome suggestions on which national anthems/songs to embark upon learning after I've completed this first four! I will also welcome feedback and updates on my pronunciation of unfamiliar languages and the histories of various songs.

I'm excited! I hope you are, too.

Cheers,
Pam

Head over heels for music theatre!

2010-10-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is about Jason Robert Brown, but his songs and musicals strike a chord within me and resonate very deeply with my mind. I discovered this young man performing this song, and cannot get enough of it. I keep listening to it on repeat! Beautiful. Hope you enjoy.

Some interesting things on war

2010-10-13T19:39:00.001-07:00

Something to reflect upon in these days of war

I just received this via email. I couldn't find it at Snopes, so I'm assuming for the moment that it is a true letter penned by an actual Holocaust Survivor, in which case, I think it makes for compelling reading.

>>> Begin forwarded message:

Subject: FW: A Holocaust Survivor's View on Islam

-----

This is one of the best explanation of the Muslim terrorist situation I have read. His references to past history are accurate and clear. Not long, easy to understand, and well worth the read. The author of this email is Dr Emanuel Tanay, a well-known and well respected psychiatrist.

A Holocaust Survivor's View on Islam

A man, whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II, owned a number of large industries and estates. When asked how many German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our attitude toward fanaticism. 'Very few people were true Nazis,' he said, 'but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen. Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and the end of the world had come. My family lost everything. I ended up in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories.'

We are told again and again by 'experts' and 'talking heads' that Islam is the religion of peace and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the specter of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam.

The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history. It is the fanatics who march... It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars worldwide. It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave. It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honour-kill. It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals. It is the fanatics who teach their young to kill and to become suicide bombers.

The hard, quantifiable fact is that the peaceful majority, the 'silent majority,' is cowed and extraneous.

Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of about 20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant. China's huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists managed to kill a staggering 70 million people.

The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a warmongering sadist. Yet, Japan murdered and slaughtered its way across South East Asia in an orgy of killing that included the systematic murder of 12 million Chinese civilians; most killed by sword, shovel, and bayonet.
And who can forget Rwanda, which collapsed into butchery. Could it not be said that the majority of Rwandans were 'peace loving'?

History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason, we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of points:

Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence.
Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don't speak up, because like my friend from Germany, they will awaken one day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun.

Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs, Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late.

As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts -- the fanatics who threaten our way of life.

Lastly, anyone who doubts that the issue is serious and just deletes this email without sending it on is contributing to the passiveness that allows the problems to expand. So, extend yourself a bit and send this on and on and on! Let us hope that thousands, world-wide, read this and think about it, before it's too late.

Sonnet XLIII

2010-08-07T03:57:00.000-07:00

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Makeup The Hell

2010-07-29T01:34:00.000-07:00

Watch the frig.

Song to the Moon

2010-07-26T01:35:00.000-07:00

Something to cheer up this dreary Monday! The divine Renee Fleming.

Today's scientific reading

2010-06-30T20:16:00.001-07:00

Gosh, there are some interesting things on the internet!

If you're not already, you should really be reading the Derren Brown Blog. Derren Brown is, of course, a man who cannot be summed up in a few sentences. If you don't know who he is, google him. Right now. He will challenge your thinking in ways it's never been challenged before.

So I was reading Derren's blog today (faithfully maintained by a whole team of interesting people) and found some truly interesting links that I thought I'd share with you.

Firstly - amazing discovery! A science historian has cracked the hidden codes in Plato's writing and unearthed the most interesting thing: Plato's books were written according to the Greek system of a twelve-note musical scale, his words echoing the harmony, consonance and dissonance of the notes! Isn't that fascinating? It's amazing, because all these modern historians were always, "Oh, there's no hidden codes in Plato's writing! You nincompoops! You've all been reading too much Dan Brown." Well, now they have to eat their words, don't they? There ARE hidden codes! Apparently, it will take a generation to really understand all the hidden codes and meanings, so I'm very much looking forward to following this as it unfolds and learning what Plato had to say about life. I hadn't realised, for example, that he was a feminist! Or that he was the first great defender of romantic love (a grand new favourite topic of mine), as opposed to marriage for financial gain. He was a defender of homosexuality! And he was captured by pirates, at one point, and sold into slavery. What a guy! (Arnold Rimmer? Who? I'm talking about PLATO.) Words from the science historian who discovered this:

Dr Kennedy recalls: "There was no Rosetta Stone. To announce a result like this I needed rigorous, independent proofs based on crystal-clear evidence. The result was amazing - it was like opening a tomb and finding new set of gospels written by Jesus Christ himself. Plato is smiling. He sent us a time capsule."

Fabulous! Such an exciting discovery.

Secondly, a really interesting scientific discovery made recently (also publicised on the Derren Brown Blog) is to do with why human beings dream. Apparently, according to this new research, it's to enable our minds to think about problems that we cannot solve when we're awake. Interesting, really, as that's why astrologers/dream analysers have been saying for years, isn't it? I have always been aware that my dreams were a tool for my subconscious and conscious mind to reconcile themselves to answers to problems that I couldn't otherwise solve. But now there's scientific proof! Very interesting. Read the article here.

Today, I logged into the 1 Million Women website and have learned that I have managed to save 113kg of CO2 deposits by the changes I've made in my lifestyle to date. Interesting, huh? Apparently, 1000kg would fill 2000 balloons! (I may have remembered that figure wrong.) Amazing what a difference one person can make.

Keep well, cherubs. Winter is upon us, and it's wretchedly cold in Canberra!

Mental Health

2010-06-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

I received this email from a dear friend who is clearly passionate about the topic, and so I am posting it for you all to read. I don't think mental health is taken seriously enough in Australia. It's a huge problem, and it needs to be addressed.

* * *

Dear esteemed friends and family,

Please don't delete this straight away. Hear me out. I'm not normally the chain-mail sort of person (quite the opposite actually), so hopefully this indicates the importance of this.

I send this email to you because mental health is an issue close to my heart, and the Australian Government can no longer sweep this issue under the carpet. Professor John Mendoza, head advisor to the Federal Government on mental health, has just resigned; citing years upon years of empty promises and inaction of the Federal Government as the cause. Instead he has sparked this campaign as he believes that public action is the only way to make the government listen. Teen and young adult suicide is a leading killer in Australia; so many of these deaths can be prevented by raising awareness of mental health and providing the necessary early intervention, prevention and treatment services to those who need them.

I have suffered from both severe depression and from Generalised Anxiety Disorder at various stages of my life. By far the worst part was the feeling of loneliness that these conditions cause. Just being able to be heard, to simply have somebody to listen to what is going on inside your head, is an incredibly powerful tool in the fight against mental illness. Sadly, many GPs are inexperienced with dealing with mental health issues; instead of emphasising the importance of seeking the help and guidance of a Psychologist, often they simply describe anti-depressants and send you on your way. We need to educate our GPs, we need to educate our young people on the symptoms of depression and other mental disorders, and we need to start talking about this very real issue that affects one in five Australians at some point throughout their lifetime.

Remove the stigma from mental illness now. Help your fellow Australians fight this battle of loneliness. Help to raise awareness of mental health, in memory of the thousands of Australians who lose their lives every year, because nobody will listen.

Go here www.getup.org.au/campaign/mentalhealth and sign Professor Mendoza's electronic petition - hell, enter a fake email address if you are worried about spam!

And please remember to forward this to anybody you know who will understand and give their support.

With love,

Karl

My favourite poem!

2010-06-14T04:37:00.000-07:00

HE WISHES FOR THE CLOTHS OF HEAVEN

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

William Butler Yeats

Desiderata

2010-06-14T04:24:00.000-07:00

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possibly without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak the truth quietly and clearly. AND LISTEN TO OTHERS, even the dull and the ignorant; THEY TOO HAVE THEIR STORY. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter. FOR ALWAYS THERE WILL BE GREATER AND LESSER PERSONS THAN YOURSELF. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, HOWEVER HUMBLE: it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. BE YOURSELF. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. TAKE KINDLY THE COUNSEL OF THE YEARS, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many tears are born of fatigue and loneliness. BEYOND A WHOLESOME DISCIPLINE, be gentle with yourself. YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE, no less than the trees and the stars; YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. T H E R E F O R E BE AT PEACE WITH GOD, whatever you conceive Him to be, AND WHATEVER YOUR LABOURS AND ASPIRATIONS, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, DRUDGERY AND BROKEN DREAMS, IT IS STILL A BEAUTIFUL WORLD. Be careful.

Oh, Marian.

2010-06-03T21:42:00.000-07:00

I have been worrying about Marian Keyes for months. Late last year, her husband sent her mailing list an email to let us know that she was suffering from terrible depression and was therefore unable to write her monthly newsletter. We heard from her briefly after that, and then - nothing. My heart went out to her. I have been waiting, and waiting - and finally, she's back. I'm so proud of her for coming through that darkness. Read all about it here. An excerpt:

I don’t exactly know what to say because I still don’t really know what happened to me. The medical profession call it ‘a major depressive episode’ but I’ve been knocked sideways by a multitude of feelings, not just depression but agitation, anxiety, terror, panic, grief, desperation, despair and an almost irresistible desire to be dead and it’s gone on for a very long time. Every day for six solid months I’ve had to try really hard to stay alive. I’ve literally got through each day hour by hour, trying to hang on until the sun set and it was time to close the shutters on the windows and then I’d feel, Okay I’ve survived another day. It was such a horrible winter and it felt like it went on forever, but when the clocks went forward I felt even worse because then there was an extra hour of daylight to last through. I know I’ll be criticised for saying all this, I know it sounds horribly selfish, when life is such a precious gift and many people desperately want to be alive and are denied it, but honestly, I’ve had no control over it.

Kiva: loans that change lives

2010-06-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

Here is a really unique way to help change the world.

How would you like to change somebody's life? I mean, there's only so much that one person can really do, right? And I personally am in no position to really make a difference by myself. But I'm finding that there are so many ways that I can contribute and help others, and not only do I feel fantastic about it, but I'm spreading awareness about things I'm passionate about and showing others how their contribution can help, too! At least - I hope that's what I'm doing.

Wouldn't it be great to give somebody the thing that they so badly needed in order to save their life? It'd be such an amazing feeling to be able to give somebody a livelihood to be able to support their families. Give them a helping hand and a good start in life.

Welcome to the concept of microloans.

Kiva connects people through lending to alleviate poverty.

Entrepreneurs from (what we commonly term as) Third-World countries sign up and tell us about themselves, and what they need in order to continue their business. It might be $400 to buy some material in order to keep their tailoring business going. It could be $800 to buy grain to feed the hens so that they can sell their eggs. It could be $600 to update their office equipment. It could be anything. And here's the thing.

You, as a Lender, loan them the money.

You don't have to loan them the whole amount. You can contribute as much or as little as you like. (Minimum: $25.00.)

The Entrepreneur then agrees on a fixed length of time in which to pay back the money loaned to them.

Kiva looks after it all and keeps track of it.

When the money is returned to you, you can choose to take it, re-loan it, or donate it to Kiva.

The Entrepreneur keeps you updated on how your money is helping them. You get the satisfaction of knowing that you helped somebody out when they needed it most, and now they're landing on their feet because of you (and others).

Isn't that just an amazing concept?

Isn't it absolutely sending an almighty "SCREW YOU" to all the major banking and financing corporations who otherwise wouldn't help these ailing entrepreneurs out?

I'm so proud of the people who came up with Kiva. I think it's the most courageous and beautiful thing that anybody could have done for this world.

Kiva's mission is to connect people, through lending, for the sake of alleviating poverty.Kiva empowers individuals to lend to an entrepreneur across the globe. By combining microfinance with the internet, Kiva is creating a global community of people connected through lending.

I have joined Kiva as a musician, in the Musicians for Change community.

http://www.kiva.org

See who you could lend to: http://www.kiva.org/lend

Pendo Luisi, 27 years old, borrowed $175 to open a cafe in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania.

Kiva was born of the following beliefs:

People are by nature generous, and will help others if given the opportunity to do so in a transparent, accountable way.

The poor are highly motivated and can be very successful when given an opportunity.

By connecting people we can create relationships beyond financial transactions, and build a global community expressing support and encouragement of one another.

Kiva promotes:

Dignity: Kiva encourages partnership relationships as opposed to benefactor relationships. Partnership relationships are characterized by mutual dignity and
respect.

Accountability: Loans encourage more accountability than donations where repayment is not expected.

Transparency: The Kiva website is an open platform where communication can flow freely around the world.

As of November 2009, Kiva has facilitated over $100 million in loans.

1 Million Women

2010-06-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

1 Million Women - A campaign of daughters, mothers, sisters and grandmothers
- Committed to protecting our climate, our communities and our future, leading
change for the better.

Our goal is to inspire 1 million Australian women to take practical action on climate change by cutting 1 million tonnes of carbon dioxide (CO2), the main greenhouse pollutant causing global warming.

Every woman who joins has a personal goal to cut 1 tonne of CO2 from their daily lives within a year of joining the campaign.

Here on our 1 Million Women website you'll be guided through ways to cut your 1 tonne, and to track your progress as you go along. You don't have to be an expert on climate change. Just join up and we'll guide you every step of the way.
1 Million Women - a million tonnes of CO2. It's a huge challenge.

With your help we will make it happen.

Check out the Ambassadors of this project.

Getting involved in 1 Million Women is easy - simply join, work out the activities that you can do to help, and follow the steps to start reducing carbon emissions. The goal of "1MillionWomen" is to empower 1 Million Women to collectively cut 1 million tonnes of carbon dioxide (CO2), the main greenhouse gas pollutant triggering climate change.

When you join, you will be taken to a selection of CO2 cutting activities covering your household, food, cars and getting around, flights, shopping and renewable energy.

Select activities that work for you and start cutting CO2 now. To stay on course to reach your 1 tonne saving, track your progress within the activity centre. By registering, you are joining daughters, mothers, sisters and grandmothers inspiring climate action.

1MillionWomen: Get Involved.

Mozart Requiem

2010-05-07T04:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't written about the Mozart concert that I did last week. A few reviews came in today, from interesting sources. You can read the official newspaper review by clicking here (with thanks to my brother for compiling it into a readable format), and a review written by a jazz musician on The Canberra Jazz Blog here. (My friend's dad is the President of the Hobart Jazz Club. Wonder if they're friends?)

My thoughts?

I can only comment on the Requiem, as I didn't see the first half.

For me, personally, singing with an orchestra is an immense privilege, and I am always in awe and terrified of the fact. There is no greater feeling, as a singer, than to know that you have a safe and secure music bed beneath you in the form of a great collection of intelligent and talented musicians. I feel so lucky to have been able to sing solo with two orchestras now.

Having said that, obviously, I am extremely inexperienced singing with orchestras. I also have never heard a recording of me singing with orchestras, so I have no idea what it's like. The organiser of the Mozart concert is sending me a recording of the concert, for which I'm very grateful. I would dearly love to hear how my voice carries with an orchestra (and particularly whether my sound is in metric harmony with the orchestra), and I'd also like to hear how my voice carries in Llewellyn Hall, given that I will be doing a recital there next month.

The hardest thing about that concert was the fact that we could not see the conductor. I suppose, if I want an operatic career, I'm just going to have to get used to that. I had to rely on my ears, and all I could hear were the violins. My inner metronome is languid at the best of times! I know there were moments when I was probably behind the beat, but I couldn't really hear it. An interesting experience, in that regard.

I thought that we four soloists sang the work well, considering our age and experience. All four of us are students at the Australian National University. It was good of the orchestra and choir to take a gamble on four young, inexperienced singers. The oldest of us is 29, and the youngest, 21. Our voices are nowhere near as developed as professional singers in their thirties and forties, and I certainly haven't located the inner womanly oomph to be able to project an enormous sound to a crowded hall. I hope to rectify that in years to come. I figure I have the time... I'm 25. And I'm working my ass hard to become the best singer that I can be. I am my own worst critic, and am very aware of my own faults.

One of those faults is something that I've been working on for years, and need to work a lot harder on. I wrote previously about my knees. (Dislocating, operations, laziness, physiotherapy, clinical pilates.) My knees are incredibly weak at the moment. I can't stand still in any shoes except the ones that will contain my court-shoe orthotics. Ridiculous. My knees lock and unlock, shake frequently, and they've often given way and I've toppled. I think it's worse because I haven't found any clinical pilates to do in Canberra yet. The muscles are wasting away. Again. Anyway, my teacher commented that I need to wear far more glamorous shoes onstage. Didn't help that Ellen was wearing four- or five-inch platform heels! God, they were gorgeous shoes. I have shoe envy! I can't wear anything like that. I performed in stiletto heels once (in January of this year, actually), and I have never been so terrified onstage. I literally thought I was falling backwards the whole time. I... cannot tell you how I got through that performance. I have never been so glad to get offstage!

Overall, I thought the Requiem went well. The choir was a great unit of sound. I was really impressed with them. The orchestra members were lovely and played well. It was a positive experience for all involved, and, again, I'm very grateful that I was given the opportunity to sing. I was nervous, but I did my best. As my dad always says, that's the most anybody can ask of me.

Here are some photos from the night.

Me, with the mezzo-soprano soloist, Ellen Malone.

A silly moment in the dressing room!
Back: Robert Shearer (tenor), Daniel Brinsmead (baritone).
Front: Ellen Malone (mezzo), Pamela Andrews (soprano).

At the after party! My lovely Lucinda, with myself and Dan.

So I'm singing... The Lord of the Rings?

2010-05-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd make a post about The Lord of the Rings.

I'm not, technically. This post is about one of the Elvish languages featured in The Lord of the Rings.

I've been asked to perform at a concert of new works by local composers next week. Not unusual. Did that a lot in Tasmania, often last minute, always stressful. This time, to my surprise, one of the songs I've been given is entirely in Elvish!

I instantly thought of my friend, Gordon Nash. Gordon teaches mathematics in New York, and writes a daily blog. I try to keep up with the blog daily but often end up just reading fifteen entries in one go to catch up. His very dry wit always has me cackling. He's the biggest music buff I know. I met him online through love of Da Vinci's Notebook. Anyway, today, Gordon blogged about me.

I AM NOW FAMOUS.

Kind of.

I contacted Gordon over the Elvish song, as I knew that he was a huge Tolkien buff, and thought maybe he could give me some pointers. Could he ever! Within minutes, he knew more about the song I'm singing than I did, AND had written me a short essay on the history of the Elvish language dialects. Madness. Wise Madness.

So I'll let you all know how my first attempt at singing Elvish goes.

In the meantime, I am seriously enjoying this song by Peter Bradley Adams. Check it out. It's just perfect chill-out music to me.

Heart Week 3-7 May 2010

2010-05-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

On December 2, 2000, I was sixteen years old and had just woken up at my friend Bec's house after a sleepover. It was summer in Launceston, and my mum was away in Melbourne with my grandmother, visiting my aunt. Late in the morning, I got a call from my dad. He told me that he'd been driving through Kings Meadows with my siblings to do some shopping, and he'd felt some odd pains down his arm and chest and felt kind of sick. He said he'd gotten home and called his doctor, who'd advised him to drive himself to the hospital and get checked out because he may have had a small heart attack. My own heart froze in my chest at hearing this news. Fresh out of doing a first aid course (that my dad had encouraged me to do, as he was a first aid instructor), I realised that he could well still be in a lot of danger. I told him to stay right there.

Bec's mum and I leapt into the car, and she GUNNED it over to my parents' house, breaking all sorts of road laws on the way. Like me, she realised that the worst could be far from over. Dad was waiting out the front of the house, looking pale and a little shocked. He talked comfortably with Bec's mum on the way to the hospital, which was frankly the shortest trip I've ever taken. Wow, that lady can drive. She used to be a taxi driver. She left us with good wishes, and I took Dad into the emergency ward. He went to the first triage window and explained what had happened to the nurse on duty. The nurse sent him over to the next window to fill out some paperwork so that he could be checked out properly. Dad spent about five minutes at that window. He turned, and started to make his way back to the first window. Then, the strangest look came over his face.

Before I knew what was happening, my dad started to slither to the floor right in front of me. I took a step back, horrified, as his large frame crashed to the floor with a sickening crack, and he started to convulse in front of me. My throat constricted and my eyes welled up as nurses and young doctors vaulted over desks, shouted instructions and skidded to the floor next to him. The most ghastly, rattly, gasping noise was coming from my dad's lungs as his body convulsed, struggling for oxygen. He had lost control over his bladder.

Tears were openly pouring down my face, and I didn't know where to look. A kindly Canadian lady, who was there for a broken arm, got up and hugged me as I cried. I looked over her shoulder, and I could see the doctors using the paddles, and shouting all the things that they shout on All Saints episodes when somebody is having a heart attack. One of the nurses came over to me and said, "You had better go in here," and showed me into a tiny little room with a few chairs, a potplant, and a phone. "Use it to call somebody," she said. Then she closed the door.

Shaking, I picked up the phone and called home. Mum was in Melbourne, so my sister Helen answered. "Um, I think Dad is dying," I said.

"Er... What?" she asked.

"Dad's having a heart attack out in the Emergency Room, and I've been told to call someone."

"... Okay," she said. Helen was 13. Bruce was 15. Rosie was 9.

I tried calling my aunt's mobile. No answer. My mum didn't have a mobile. I was left with no choice but to ring my grandmother, who had only recently lost her own husband, my grandfather.

A few minutes later, I was allowed in to see my dad. I found out later that they let me do this because they believed that he would soon die. I took Dad's diary and began cancelling his appointments and engagements. When I saw him looking so weak, something maternal just welled up in me and I began getting things organised, post-haste. Dad's skin looked yellow, and he smiled at me from the bed, though he was obviously in incredible shock. Dad says that he doesn't remember me being allowed in to see him.

My mum flew back that night, not knowing if her husband was already dead or how long he would live. I found out, years later, that the doctors had told Dad to get his affairs in order straight away as he wouldn't last two days. A week. Two weeks. A month. Two months. Six months. A year. Two years. They kept extending the timeframe, certain that his heart would give out again and he would die.

On December 2, 2010, it will have been ten years.

Dad suffered three massive cardiac arrests that day. If he hadn't been standing in the ER when he had the first one, he would've died. One of the chambers in his heart is dead and useless. One of his arteries is completely blocked. Another two are 90% blocked. The other artery is only a little bit blocked. For nearly ten years, they've been telling him that he needs a bypass but he wouldn't survive the surgery.

My dad has been campaigning for defibrillating machines to be supplied to remote areas in Tasmania. He has succeeded in a lot of cases. He also participates in heart research at his local hospital, and attends a support group. He is a kind man, with an Order of Australia Medal for his service to the community over his lifetime. You will never, in your lifetime, find a man who is so generous with his time and talents as my dad has been with his local community, be it the elderly, mentally ill, chronic pain sufferers, or his best friend, who laid in a nursing home for ten years after a stroke. My dad has, amongst other things, Parkinson's disease now. In the last couple of years especially, it has really slowed hiim up, and he finds things quite difficult now. The one thing that he doesn't find difficult is promoting worthy causes through the internet. He spends most of his time on the computer now.

So, when I got an email today advising me that this week is Heart Week, I realised that the best way to present this information to my friends is by sharing my story about my dad's heart attack. It is so important to know what to do. I just knew instantly that he was probably about to have another heart attack. I didn't think twice. I just did what I had to do. My dad is alive today because of that.

Take a few moments to visit this website and learn what the signs of a heart attack are. It could save your life, or your loved one's life, some day.

http://www.heartattackfacts.org.au/Home.aspx

Check out my very first VLOG, about Heart Week:

Gavin Mikhail

2010-05-01T00:52:00.000-07:00

Gavin Mikhail is the most honest performer I've ever heard. His honesty, integrity, belief in himself, his faith in life and humankind, and his directness of speech continues to amaze and impress me every time I listen to him.

Gavin is not the World's Best Singer. (Should that award go to Jessye Norman? Ian Bostridge? Barbara Bonney? Joan Sutherland?) He is not the World's Best Pianist. (My vote goes to Julius Drake, Malcolm Martineau or James Rhodes.) But he IS the best contemporary singer/songwriter I've encountered in terms of delivering and selling a song that he truly believes in.

When you listen to Gavin Mikhail, you know that he means every single word he's singing to you. It's like a conversation that gradually unfolds, letting you in on little secrets and confidences, revealing an often raw history, and always leaving you uplifted about his hope and faith. Let me give you an example before my mouth runs away with me.

BRAVE, by Gavin Mikhail (excerpt)

I am not as brave,
beautiful, and patient
as you are, but
I am safe
in your arms; I listen
as you say: "I'm proud of
who you've become,
and the person you will be
tomorrow. And I know
I would give anything up
for you."
I'll follow through.
I promise to hold on.
I'll never let
go, won't let you down.
If you can stay proud,
I'll be brave somehow.

Help me understand the reasons why I'm here...
Now living a feeling like my fear
I'm outside of this life, I am here
Now, for you...

This slow acoustic version is really beautiful, but I actually like the really rockin' up tempo version that Gavin does of this song. Same song, just rearranged for a different feel entirely. The message is still the same. It's so deeply personal. Hope I'm not getting the lyrics wrong. I'm just listening and typing as I go... That plan may be flawed.

This next one is my FAVOURITE, contrary to what my Last.FM page thinks. If my Last.FM page knew how many times I'd played this song in my car, it'd change its mind...

CATCH YOUR FALL, by Gavin Mihail (excerpt)

I know, for you, it must be painful
to carry the way you do;
though I can't be you, I see through
your silent, feigned indifference, gets you by
and though I'm trying,
I can't tell you when we'll fly --
just know: I care, I'll lift you up to see,
see where I will always be,
be there any time you call,
and I will take us back in to
a life of more than we've been through
beyond the lengths that we went to,
to be here, after all.
And though we sometimes stumble
and you're scared,
I'm always there to catch your fall.

I will be there to catch your fall
Still counting down the days 'til
We will finally arrive but I am
Here now, you are safe now,
I know we're okay now - we'll survive

I really love that one. I much prefer the Strings mix to the regular single, too. What's with me liking all the alternate versions? Something fishy going on there...

ONE OF THESE DAYS, by Gavin Mikhail (excerpt)

Today.
Is it time to rise above this?
Is it time to move beyond the choice I made
And say, I can love this
Someday...

What if I wait around for forever?
Holding onto the hope
that there's something more for me?
Would I waste whatever's left of this life
Living for things I think I need?

But what did I ever do
To make you make my life so complicated?
I hate it.
I wish you wouldn't do those things you do.
So give me what belongs to me,
And spare me all the sympathy you use
To hold me down and keep me tied.
One day, you'll see me rise...

Sneakily, I have played you songs that are ALL available for FREE on Gavin's website. So if you like them, go and download them! Listen to the man. Then do what I did, and buy the albums. He's a top bloke.

Follow him on Twitter.
Stalk him on Facebook.
Listen to him on MySpace.
Download him at his website.

Yours musically,
Pam xxx

I wonder where you are?
I wonder what you need...
Wonder why you mean so much to me
And, after all this time,
I still can't understand why
You say you're never coming back for me...

Caleb Shaw

2010-04-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

I keep coming across this singer on YouTube - probably because I keep looking up Jason Robert Brown. But anyway, I really, really like his voice! It gives me such hope that there are people out there who are performing so beautifully. And, I mean, I like Josh Groban as much as the next girl enamoured with him, but this guy - Caleb Shaw - sings Josh Groban's songs better than Josh ever could. (I think-- it's something called-- technique? Support? Lowered larynx? A restraining order for vibrato? ... Sorry, that was uncalled for. I love Josh Groban. I do.) Anyway, this guy is great. Check out the demo video and look at his other stuff! Terrific.

Also, this song below is from a show on YouTube you can find called An Evening Of Jason Robert Brown. Brown is a fantastic contemporary American composer of music theatre. That guy does nothing wrong. These theatre students put an evening of his songs on, as I understand it... They're brilliant. (Anyone recognise Miranda?) This was the first time I heard Caleb Shaw.

ANZAC DAY

2010-04-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”

This line comes from the middle stanza of the poem “For the Fallen”, by Lancaster-born poet Laurence Binyon (1869-1943). [Source.]

Below, is a video of Eric Bogle, an Australian folk singer/songwriter I was lucky enough to go and see with my dad several years ago in Tasmania. I really admire the honesty and integrity with which he delivers his music.

Questions

2010-04-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

How do you walk out in front of hundreds of people like you own the stage?

How do you smile confidently at a bunch of people you don't know, reassuring them that they're going to love every second of your performance?

How do you stand there, perfectly still with your head proud, completely self-assured in your own body, positive that nobody is criticising you?

How do you open your mouth and sing: blindly; dumbly; without thought process? Without stopping to think - did I come in exactly in the right place, or did the entry sound a little late? Am I loud enough? Am I too loud? Does it sound beautiful? Are people put off by the sound of my voice? Do I look convincing? Why does that woman look bored? Why does that guy look so disinterested? What does the next verse start with? Am I perfectly in tune with the piano? Am I remembering to think about the emotion of the text? What am I doing? Oh wow, I'm singing a song onstage and I totally just had an OMG moment in my head and got completely distracted and now I'm kind of singing on autopilot, fuck. That woman still looks bored! What am I doing wrong?

How is it possible to spend so much time in a practise room; perfecting the technicalities of the music; spend so much time walking yourself through the emotions and journeys of your pieces; watching every version possible on YouTube; placing yourself in the characters' collective shoes; really feeling what they're living; and then: forget all of that the minute you get onstage because you're worried about what people think of you?

Curiouser and curiouser.

Something I've said to at least three different people this week is that I don't think I could've chosen a more challenging career path for myself if I'd tried. Once upon a time, I thought maybe I wanted to be a doctor. If I had ever followed that path... I don't think I would've found it as personally challenging as I find this career path to be. What other career allows me to be a literary, book and poetry nerd with the texts of my songs and operas? Allows me to sing and work on the technical glory of voice? Allows me to learn musicianship and musicality? Allows me to learn to act, move and dance? Allows me to develop a strong work ethic, perfectionism and drive? Challenges me to step outside of myself? To stand and deliver? To put aside inherent shyness and insecurites, and offer my heart up on my palm, while remaining far enough removed from the subject to deliver the sound technique that I should have?

I commit to what I'm doing 100% when I'm by myself. When I'm singing in front of anyone else, that 100% commitment isn't there; I lose the connection with the heart of the work, for... fear? I become way too consumed with needing to prove that I can do all this technical amazing stuff that I forget to connect my soul to what I'm doing, and then it's curiously detached. How do you reattach your heart in front of others? What holds me back? How do you fix that?

The psychology of singing.

Curious.

The Inner Diva

2010-04-22T01:27:00.001-07:00

Today, I learned that the hardest part about singing is learning to put yourself and your insecurities aside, and adopting a level of professionalism that is confident, assured, and completely, totally diva-like. I struggle with My Inner Diva. I don't think she's there. I think she's on holiday or something. She's probably stranded in Europe, waiting for the ash-cloud to disappear. I could call her, but I really need her here. We have some beef to sort out, and then she's going to become me, and I'm going to be a confident, self-assured singer. Really.

Billy Gilman's Amazing Tour Manager

2010-04-21T01:29:00.000-07:00

I meant to write this post ages ago. You know, back when it was still relevant and had recently occurred. Never mind. You know how these things are. Ideas brew in your head for months and then eventually pop out to say 'ello when you least expect it. Or, when you may or may not be procrastinating from studying for your German test.

So, do you know who Billy Gilman is? I didn't, really. I was a young singer studying her undergraduate degree in classical singing when lo and behold, my mother suddenly went CD-crazy and bought me 4 Charlotte Church albums. Previously, I'd only heard of Charlotte Church from a duet she did on a Josh Groban album. (I know. You're beginning to figure out what my early CD collection was like, aren't you?) So anyway, I got into the Charlotte Church albums (thanks, Mum) and really liked a duet that she did on one of them, which was called "Dream A Dream (Elysium)". It's actually a tune by French composer Gabriel Fauré, written in 1887, called Pavane (Op. 50). The album in question of Charlotte's was called Dream A Dream, and she recorded the title song as a duet with a boy named Billy Gilman. I didn't know who the heck that was, but he had the sweetest, clearest voice, and according to my cursory research made at the time, he was, like... 11. 12. Really, really young. I came across a song of Billy's called Oklahoma, which was a lovely, mushy song that made me feel good about living, and so I decided that Billy Gilman must be a great singer to keep watching for. (I just watched a bit of the YouTube I've linked you to, and had to turn it off as it was making me weepy - AGAIN. The power of a good story.)

I've decided to save you the trouble of clicking away to YouTube. Here, just watch the duet here. Cute vid. Note that Billy totally had some sort of retainer thing in his mouth while recording. Mad props.

Being a university student, I didn't have quite the budget to stretch to importing American CDs (shipping, you know... it's a killer) and so it wasn't until quite recently (last year, 2009) that I finally remembered I wanted to buy some more of his stuff. Went online and found that I could buy all 4 of his CDs from his website! Sweet! Buying directly from artist and therefore directly supporting musical career: TICK! Then, of course, my sweet little soprano brain became confused by the demands of buying from the website. I had to calculate my own shipping, AND add American sales tax! What the hell? In Australia, they just add the sales tax onto everything first! It's such an easy system! I had no idea what the rate of sales tax was in America, so I contacted the email address listed on the website and pleaded for help.

Received back an email from the Tour Manager, Al. What a nice dude. Seriously. Emails back and forth, always exceptionally polite. He even rang the local post office and worked out my postage costs for me. Then, he asked me if I'd like for Billy Gilman to personally autograph each CD to me. Sheesh, I thought! Cool! Monetary exchange and a few weeks later, and bam! I got a package from America containing 4 personally autographed CDs, which I shall now brag about to you:

Don't know if that's his first album or not. Could probably Google it for you, but if you're really interested, you should dang well do it yourself.

Billy's second album. Or maybe NOT. Did you hit up Google? Let me know. I'm just sitting here.

Another album. Not sure where this one fits in, chronologically. After doing a bit of googling for this post, I've come to realise that I'm missing not one but several CDs of his now. Bummer. This CD is especially important, as it is through the existence of this CD that I learned about Mattie J. Stepanek, a young peace-maker who wrote plenty of important books of poetry. His poetry was called Heartsongs, and promoted peace... He was an inspiration. He has since passed away, but his mum, Jeni Stepanek, is persevering! Follow her on Twitter. Also, you should read her book; I bought it and read it. Laughed. Cried. Smiled. Sobbed. Fantastic. She is one amazing person, and her son was nothing short of a miracle. What a joy to read. Foreword by Dr. Maya Angelou.

The fourth and final album in what I suppose I shall now term My Billy Gilman Collection. Yes. So. Excellent. Anyway. Just wanted to show off my new shiny things, and compliment Al on going above and beyond for some fan he's never met in Tasmania. The other side of the world. If he ever comes to Sydney, I'll buy him a beer.

Oh, and the Billy albums? Pretty good. Check Billy out on Twitter - he's being fought over by hundreds of girls.

@bg524 Wow now I'm reading that girls will wrestle in jello for me..that is AWESOME!!! 9:28 PM Apr 17th via Twitter for BlackBerry®

NB. Bit of a disclaimer. These album covers don't belong to me. Well, actually, they DO... but the design/concept/art/whatever - not mine. You knew that; I knew that. I just have to acknowledge it. Cheers. Also, that number 1 just up there appeared when I copied and pasted the tweet. Bugger. Can't delete it. It's indestructible. It'll just have to stay.

Music love karma

2010-04-20T05:40:00.001-07:00

It's always embarrassing when you write a raving, gushy post about somebody, and then they read it...

@JRhodesPianist: Utterly beguiled and blushing at this blog http://bit.ly/baD3Bv by @painted_duchess. My head is already big enough...

Didn't I have this problem with Robert Llewellyn, and Twitter, once...?!! A mad fan-girly moment enshrouded in Twitter newbie mistakes? ... Actually ... Let's not revisit that one.

Never mind. James Rhodes'll just have to get used to people waxing lyrical over him, because he'll be a world famous superstar after you all go out and buy his albums! Right? And I'm sure I'm not the only one posting blogs about him.

With crimson cheeks,
Pamma the Hamma xxx

James Rhodes, Pianist

2010-04-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

Right. So I know I've mentioned James Rhodes at least twice before in this little blog that I seem to neglect, but I would like to devote an ENTIRE entry to him (which I think I may've already done... oh well, twice the love), just because I am so impressed with him, and what he is achieving out there in the Big, Wide World.

I first encountered James Rhodes on Twitter. Stephen Fry posted something about how we should all be following this amazing young English pianist he'd just been to hear. My ears instantly pricked up. Pianist? Young? Yes? Clicked, and voila. A young English pianist (I say young, but he's older than me - but seriously, until you hit age fifty in classical music, you're not truly considered old) with an immense talent.

I mean, what would you think of this album if you didn't know anything about it? Look closely at the cover:

Yes. You would think, "Oh, a punk rock album!", or "Oh, wow, cool, some emo album!", or "Heck, that guy's gorgeous!", or "Little pills? Razor blades? What the hell?". You wouldn't necessarily pick it up, look at it briefly and think, "Oh, wow, check this out - an album of extraordinary pianistic talent from a young, cool, English guy who hasn't had any formal education in music like the rest of us music plebes who have, indeed, gotten their degrees and still aren't cool." Would you? Would you really be thinking that? No, you wouldn't. Your curiosity might be piqued by the "big pianos" part, but, on the whole, you'd be a bit, "Well, I think this was shelved in the wrong part of the store. What's it doing amongst the people-in-suits Bach French Suite recordings?" (Suit you! SUIT YOU!)

However. (There is always a "however". It's usually followed by a comma, but I'm trying to be more dramatic.) The album is SO EXCITING. It is classical piano porn, I am telling you. I haven't been so intrigued and bewitched by a pianist's album in ...-- Well, that's just the thing. I haven't been this intrigued and bewitched before by a pianist (unless, of course, we are talking about pianists like Malcolm Martineau or Julius Drake, who have released albums with incredibly sexy singers... That's different; they are gods). Of course, I'm not a connoisseur of pianists. I cannot profess to know all of them, and to be fair, I am training to be an operatic soprano, so the majority of my listening is recordings of singers. Still, as my main partner in musicianship has to be a pianist, I like to think that I know a little bit about what I like. Also, I did indeed take piano lessons for six years (but as I hardly ever practised, I don't think I have any right to comment there). Anyway, my long-suffering point is that I am just entranced by James Rhodes' playing. It is elegant, provocative, mischievous, thoughtful, musical, intelligent, daring, sweet (in the dolce sense, not the lolly sense) and has a certain je ne sais quoi, which is what we all say when we're trying to think of something terribly intelligent to say, and just can't.

James must be enjoying great success from his first album (maybe the rest of his fans bought two copies, too? -- I know, shut up -- such a fan-girl), because he's already released the second one! Look! And it's a double-album!

Magical pants. And I can't get away with that shade of red. Dizamn.

I've been pov, what with no job and all in this new city as I pursue my Master of Music degree (again, which James Rhodes doesn't have and he doesn't seem to need one, either - if I could just sing all the time without having to do the degrees... I'd be so happy), but now that I have gained employment, this CD shall be MINE! Mine, I tell ye.

Let's watch James Rhodes kick arse at playing some Volodos/Mozart. (Even my favourite pianist/partner-in-crimes-against-lieder, Mikey, confessed that he thought that James Rhodes' pianistic skills was well leet, mate, well 1337, in this clip):

Or about we watch James Rhodes be utterly amazing at Moszkowski: Etincelles? Yes? More tea.

Let us now watch James Rhodes being utterly charming:

Actually-- alright. We could be here all day. Just click here and go directly to James Rhodes' YouTube channel, and watch the rest for yourself.

So, to recap: This is where you go to admire James Rhodes. This is where you go to read James Rhodes on Twitter. This is where you go to watch James Rhodes on YouTube. This is where you go to buy James Rhodes' CDs. This is where you become a fan of James Rhodes on Facebook.

Until next time, I remain,
eternally a stalker of James Rhodes,
Pam xxx

NB. Obviously, the images in this blog post do not belong to me. I don't really fancy that James Rhodes would be too offended if he knew, because all I'm doing is singing his praises, but you never know. Just so you're all aware: Not mine. His.

Mozart Requiem

2010-04-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

I had this great burning desire to write about several topics and now I can't be bothered stepping up to bat for the topics that I feel most passionate about. One wonders how truly passionate I could possibly be. In any case, I'd like to let you all know (all two of you) that I'm singing the Mozart Requiem next week. Friday 30 April, at Llewellyn Hall, at the School of Music in Canberra (Childers St, off Marcus-Clarke St in Civic). Reasonably easy to find. Presume it starts at around 8pm. Might be able to confirm that for you but possibly too lazy. Now, it should be rather good. Some good soloists (a tenor from Queensland, a lovely mezzo-soprano from Sydney, and a dashing baritone from Albury), a smashing orchestra, a scintillating choir, and other bits and bobs on in the same programme. I will be wearing a fabulous dress also. Suggest you all fly to Canberra and attend AT ONCE. Do you hear me? That's right. Get on a-- oh, that's right, you can't. No planes are allowed to fly at the moment. What a bore. A yawny bore. Do you know, my Mum went to Iceland. She worked in a fish-factory and nearly got killed in a blizzard on her way to work once. Hell's bells. That's TWO strikes against Iceland so far... Yet, I'd still really like to go sometime. Iceland looks so cool (when it's not being flooded with hot lava and ash). So, yes. Point of this entry: come and see the Rambling Soprano sing at Llewellyn Hall next week. Hooroo. x

Nellie Melba

2010-03-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

OK, just one more post for today. Louise Page is currently doing a show, impersonating Nellie Melba. Check out this brilliant clip!

Louise Page

2010-03-15T00:21:00.001-07:00

Here's a YouTube thinger of my new singing teacher, Louise Page.

No interweb for me!

2010-03-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm working on getting an internet connection at home so that I can fall back into the habit of boring you all senseless with my updates. I just thought I should pop in quickly to say what's what!!

I'm spending the 2010 academic year at the Australian National University School of Music, studying a Master of Music by coursework. It will take me one year to complete. I am studying German, and classical vocal performance. That is all. It is fantastic. No theory, no history, no musicology, no choir - nada! Just singing lessons, vocal coaching, opera chorus class, graduate seminar class, vocal performance class... and four German classes per week. UTTERLY BRILLIANT. The people here are DELICIOUS. I am learning from Louise Page, the loveliest and warmest soprano that there ever was.

It was a grand move on my part. Hooray for me. Yes! I may not have ended up in the opera degree in Sydney, but I am doing something infinitely better, surrounded by nice people who genuinely want to help me to become a better and more intuitive performer. What more do I really need?

So much has happened but I particularly want to mention a couple of sessions I've been lucky enough to have with Tessa Bremner. What a lovely, lovely lady. She knows where it's at. She can read you like a book by just looking at you! She's so open and has helped me to relax and release my own performance through my body. I would happily have a session a week with her for the rest of my life.

Current repertoire that I'm working on is Schumann's Liederkreis, Walton's Three Facade Songs, Korngold's Marietta's Lied from Die tote Stadt, Mozart's Requiem (soprano solo), Barber's Knoxville Summer of 1915, and a selection of Duparc songs.

Keep well!
xo

James Rhodes

2010-02-26T04:20:00.000-08:00

I received the following email today, and couldn't think what the hell it was about.

--
Listener Requests: ABC Classic FM Weekends 10:05am-12:00noon

Dear Pamela,

Thank you for your interest in the programme.

Your request will be broadcast as follows:

Work: Bach French suite
on: Sunday Jun 27 2010

I hope you continue to enjoy the programme.

Yours sincerely,

Marian Arnold
ABC Classic FM

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.
--

Then I suddenly remembered. James Rhodes! I wrote in to ABC Classic FM and asked them to play some of James Rhodes' CD. I wonder if they'll actually play James' version, or just pull out their own favourite version of Bach's French suite? Who the hell knows?

James Rhodes is fantastic. Have I raved on about him before? I'm not sure what I like better: the fact that he's released this fantastic CD, the fact that he's on Twitter, or the fact that he has such fantastic hair... Or the fact that he's friends with Stephen Fry, my new celebrity crush after watching endless episodes of Jeeves & Wooster, oh swoon...

Anyway, DO check him out. Well worth the effort. I bought his CD on iTunes AND from his web store. That's TWICE the effort. And absolutely worth it, my friends. Have I ever steered you wrong?

http://www.jamesrhodespianist.com/

Music Monday

2010-02-08T01:41:00.001-08:00

I'm hideously disappointed that I couldn't post "Water and a Flame" by Daniel Merriweather, featuring Adele. TOTALLY LAME. How are you supposed to help spread the word about a great artist if you can't even...--??

So, instead:

It isn't my favourite Merriweather song, but it's pretty smokin'. Get amongst it.

You don't have to get a haircut

2010-01-13T06:38:00.000-08:00

Here I go
And there's no turning back
My great adventure has begun
I may be small
But I've got giant plans
To shine as brightly as the sun

I will blaze until I find my time and place
I will be fearless,
Surrendering modesty and grace
I will not disappear without a trace
I'll shout and start a riot
Be anything but quiet
Christopher Columbus
I'll be astonishing

I can't really explain it
I haven't got the words
It's a feeling that you can't control
I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are
And, at the same time, something makes you whole
It's like that there's a music playing in your ear
And I'm listening, and I'm listening, and then I disappear

If I didn't believe in you
We'd never have gotten this far
If I didn't believe in you
And all of the ten thousand women you are
If I didn't think you could do
Anything you ever wanted to
If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow
The fact of the matter is, Cathy
I wouldn't be standing here now

And then I feel a change
Like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open
Impossible to hide
And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I'm free, I'm free

I thought, together,
We'd amaze the world
How can I live my dreams or even start
When everything has come apart?

I thought home was all I'd ever want
My attic, all I'd ever need
Now, nothing feels the way it was before
And I don't know how to proceed
I only know I'm meant for something more
I've got to know if I can be
Astonishing

I care, I'll lift you up to
See where I will always
Be there, any time you call
And I will take us back
Into a life of more than we've
Been through, beyond the lengths that we
Went to to be here, after all
And though we sometimes stumble and you're scared
I'm always there to catch your fall...

I'll give you stars and the moon and the open highway
And a river beneath your feet
I'll give you day full of dreams if you travel my way
And a summer you can't repeat
I'll give you nights full of passion and days of adventure
No strings, just warm summer rain

I am not that brave
Sometimes I need to hear you whisper
"Everything's O.K... You'll be fine
I'll help you find your way..."
And I have nothing but faith in you
All that I am is what you are and we are
I would give anything up for you...

It's a bit like being angry,
it's a bit like being scared
Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell
It's like when you've been crying
And you're empty and you're full
I don't know what it is, it's hard to tell

But lie in my arms while you're sleeping
And think of the rivers you've crossed
I'll tell you the dreams I've been keeping
For moments like this
When your hope is lost

There's a life
That I am meant to lead
A life like nothing I have known
I can feel it
And it's far from here
I've got to find it on my own

Hear my song
It'll help you believe in tomorrow
Hear my song
It'll show you the way you can shine
Hear my song
It was made for the time
When you don't know where to go
Listen to the song that I sing
You'll be fine

Even now, I feel its heat upon my skin
A life of passion that pulls me from within
A life that I am making to begin
There must be somewhere I can be
Astonishing

Child, I know you're frightened
And your throat's parched and dry
But just trust in Mama's singing
And the gift tomorrow's bringing
Trust it, don't ask why

Just lie in my arms
And I'll tell you
The things that you know but forget
The lies no one ever could sell you
I know that it's hard
But don't give up yet

I don't want you to hurt
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine!
Just hang on and you'll see-
But don't make me wait till you do
To be happy with you
Will you listen to me?
No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin
I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Cathy
I will not lose because you can't win

But I was sure that all I ever wanted
Was a life that was scripted and planned
And he said, "But you don't understand —

Listen to the song that I sing
Listen to the words in my heart
Listen to the hope I can bring
And you'll start to grow
And shine

Listen to the song that I sing
And trust me
We'll be fine

A new world calls across the ocean...

---------------
SONGS

"If I Didn't Believe In You", The Last Five Years by Jason Robert Brown
"Brave", Gavin Mikhail
"Catch Your Fall", Gavin Mikhail
"Electricity", Billy Elliot by Elton John
"Astonishing", Little Women by somebody I can't remember the name of, hee hee
"Stars and the Moon", Songs for a New World by Jason Robert Brown
"Hear My Song", Songs for a New World by Jason Robert Brown

How do you feel today?

Sometimes, the music in your head can answer that question better than you can.

Email received from The Sea Shepherd Society

2010-01-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

S.O.S. - Sea Shepherd Attacked – Urgent Help Needed!

Emergency Update: From the Frontlines

of the Whale Wars

Dear Pamela,

Our vessels and crews and have been ATTACKED! Lives have been threatened. A vessel has been destroyed. This day will go down in infamy.

We will not give up. We will not retreat. We will not surrender to those who want to do harm. We need your support today now more than ever.

Earlier today, our vessel the Ady Gil was severely damaged and almost sunk in a vicious and unprovoked attacked by a Japanese whaling harpoon vessel many times its size. Thecrew barely escaped with their lives and were rescued by our newest vessel the Bob Barker.

There is a battle between "David and Goliath." The illegal Japanese whalers are trying to physically harm and financially destroy your nonprofit whale defenders -- the Sea Shepherds. Show the whalers and the government of Japan that they cannot get away with this.

As I write, my valiant crews remain at sea, vigilant in their pursuit to stop the whalers. Our defense of the whales needs to continue in the Southern Oceans. We are their only hope.

Sea Shepherd is the only organization in the world directly intervening to save these magnificent and innocent beings but we cannot do it without you.

Please stand with us and click here to make a donation today or call 877-WHALES-911 (877-942-5379)* as we continue our fight in the coming days, weeks, months, year- whatever it takes.

From the bridge of the Steve Irwin, I thank you,

Captain Paul Watson

P.S. Due to the large number of people trying to access our website from all over the world, you may find that our main website pages load slowly, however, our donate page is operating well at this time. In the meantime, we are working to get our main website up to speed.

*To call from anywhere outside of the US or Canada, dial +1-416-645-4677.

*Donations to Sea Shepherd have tax benefits in the United States, United Kingdom, the Netherlands, and France.

The Japanese whaling security ship Shonan Maru No. 2 is caught on camera deliberately ramming and causing catastrophic damage

to the stationary Sea Shepherd catamaran Ady Gil.
Campaign Images: JoAnne McArthur/Sea Shepherd

Marian Keyes

2010-01-04T17:47:00.000-08:00

Marian Keyes' latest newsletter entry illustrated to me just how tough a time she's been having recently... I wondered why she hadn't updated her newsletter since September, and now I know - she's suffering from depression again. I thought her entry was a timely reminder of how important it is to be compassionate toward those suffering an illness that we may not have experienced ourselves. I personally know that I need this reminder.

Wishing Marian, and all those like Marian, a speedy recovery.

Pam

...

LAID LOW

My dear amigos, happy new year to you all and I hope your festive season was not too unpleasant. I’m very sorry but this is going to be a very short piece because I am laid low with crippling depression. Regular readers know that I’ve been prone to depression on and off over the years but this is in a totally different league. This is much much worse. I know I’m leaving myself open to stinky journalists saying ‘What has she got to be depressed about, the self-indulgent whiner, when there are people out there with real troubles?’ so I won’t go on about it.

All I will say is that I’m aware that these are terrible times and that there are people out there who have been so ruined by the current economic climate that they’ve lost the roof over their heads and every day is a battle for basic survival and I wish I could make their pain go away. But although I’m blessed enough to have a roof over my head, I still feel like I’m living in hell. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t write, I can’t read, I can’t talk to people. The worst thing is that I feel it will never end. I know lots of people don’t believe it, but depression is an illness, but unlike say, a broken leg, you don’t know when it’ll get better.

I’ve been trying to read helpful, comforting and inspiring bits and pieces because I can’t manage novels and I’ve included some of them at the bottom of the page, in the hope that you might find them helpful, comforting and inspiring at some time too.

So amigos, I’m sorry to abandon you for the moment. Full service will be restored at some stage, I hope. Thank you in advance for your kindness because you’ve always been so lovely to me and once again Happy New Year. I hope it’s a nice one for you.

***

That’s the thing about depression. A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.
Elizabeth Wurtzel Prozac Nation

***

Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see.
Bill Wilson, in a letter 1950 in How Bill Sees It

***

Why allow salt water to rust your heart
When the world is brimming with pure sweet water
Rumi

***

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
© Mary Oliver.

***

There is a crack, a crack in everything. It’s how the light gets in
L Cohen

***

This too shall pass
AA slogan

***

And did you get what
You wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
Beloved on the earth
Raymond Carver, Late Fragment

***

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
Resume by Dorothy Parker

***

The mind is its own place and in itself can make heaven of hell and a hell of heaven.
John Milton

***

Just for today
AA slogan

***

I am the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be a cheerful face on earth. Whether I shall ever be better, I cannot tell; I awfully forbode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible. I must die or be better.
Abraham Lincoln

***

Be Ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up where you are.
You’ve been stony for too many years. Try something different.
Surrender.
Rumi from A Necessary Autumn Inside Each

***

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
CS Lewis

***

Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.
CS Lewis

***

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in getting up every time that you do
Confucius, Chinese philosopher and reformer

***

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

Portia Nelson’s “There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk“

***

To be or not to be: that is the question
Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing, end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep we say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
The flesh is heir to, tis a consummation
devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep.
Hamlet (3/1)

***

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Reinhold Niebuhr

***

Holly Golightly: You know the days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds. You mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat, and maybe it’s been raining too long. You’re just sad, that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid, and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Breakfast at Tiffanys by Truman Capote

***

I have studiously tried to avoid ever using the word ‘madness’ to describe my condition. Now and again, the word slips out, but I hate it. ‘Madness’ is too glamourous a term to convey what happens to most people who are losing their minds. That word is too exciting, too literary, too interesting in its connotions to convey to bordeom, the slowness, the dreariness, the dampness of depression.
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

***

Nobody tells me. Nobody keeps me informed. I make it 17 days come Friday since anybody spoke to me
Eeyore, The house at Pooh Corner by AA Milne

***

I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, master Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Master Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Sam, The Two Towers, Lord of the Rings

***

My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?
Christ on the cross (even though he knew he wasn’t actually forsaken at all…)

***

If you are going through hell, keep going
Winston Churchill

I need some mistletoe in my hallway

2009-12-13T02:13:00.000-08:00

Season's Greetings to you!

Lucy has put up a great tree. The lights on the tree are sparkling and colourful. I have Ella Fitzgerald, Doris Day, Frank Sinatra -- all the classics -- playing on the stereo. I've wrapped so many presents this weekend and they're all under the tree! Most of them are for my students.

It's always such a busy time of year. I always seem to be moving house. In the past seven years, there was only ONE year that I didn't move at Christmas-time; that was the year that I spent with Liz in a house for two years, instead of one year, which seems to be my norm. I thought it was normal for uni students to move every year but I've since discovered that no, people think it's a bit weird for you to pack up and move every year. Do you know, though, I would've thought that the amount of junk and crap that I own would be kept to a MINIMUM with all this moving! But no!

Today, I was facing with the "Do I keep this, or do I throw this out?" question for the following items (as an example of my Sunday):

Romeo's Heart, an album by John Farnham on cassette tape (which, for the record - GREAT PUN - I absolutely loved and adored; it was the first "album" I owned)
Years of cassette tapes of my singing lessons
Cassette tapes of albums I now own on CD (so, okay, I went through my cassette tapes today)
CDs of software for computery things that I don't even own anymore (eg. installation CD for my first Canoscan scanner, which I got rid of years ago)
Old birthday cards
Writing compendiums upon writing compendiums upon shiny used but unmarked and therefore usable envelopes upon notepads upon mini notepads... you get my drift...
Hundreds of postcards (all blank, waiting to be sent out)
Newspaper articles/notices about things that happened to my friends years ago (eg. a wedding announcement about a partnership that has since resulted in divorce; a birth announcement for a partnership that has dissolved completely - I don't think they even speak to each other anymore...)
An entire bookshelf of books (I've already done one bookshelf; did this one today; two more to go)

And so on.

Just in case you were wondering, I couldn't find it within myself to throw out Romeo's Heart. I was looking over the tracklist and remembered all these gorgeous songs that I used to know as a child and just... couldn't... bear the thought of the loss. It would be deliciously easy to plug my laptop into my tape deck and record the songs to mp3 but I think I like the vintage cassette tape thing. Until it wears out.

Anyway, so I'm packing up my life to move it to Sydney. Whether or not I will be joining the thousand or so bright-eyed students at the Conservatorium there remains to be seen (apparently, one has to wait until January for a letter in the mail to advise one on whether or not they've been accepted to study interstate commencing the following month). Even if I haven't made it past the hallowed doors of the castle, at least I'll be in the zone. I can try again in 2010. I can try every year until I wear them down and they let me in simply to get rid of me at the end of the three years!

Sydney is such a unique place. I had a lovely time with my Momma there last week. I had the audition, then got a migraine as per usual (I always get one when I'm travelling interstate... so lame) and then we went shopping and saw some sights and went to see Paranormal Activity in a massive cinema on George St in Central Sydney. Mum felt sick with all the handheld camera action so she had to leave the theatre not even halfway through! I stuck it out. I was frightened stiff! I can't believe they got out of bed and explored the house to try and find this menacing thing each time it appeared! Holy crap. I would cowering under the sheets in my bed! (Though apparently that would not have helped.) Maybe I would've packed up and slept in a church. Or at least in a sacred circle of salt. SOMETHING. The only really wacky thing about that movie is the lack of proactive research and help that they got to get rid of the demonic presence. *shakes head*

So yeah, just wanted to update and say that things are happening. I'm spring-cleaning my life. I'm de-cluttering. I'm getting ready to start my life anew in a fantastic new city and I am determined that it will be amazing. Look out, Sydney; I'm nearly there.

Raise the terror alert to RAINBOW; there are Gays and Lesbians everywhere!

2009-11-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

I'm really quite impressed what Tasmania has done for Gays and Lesbians in our society this year. It's forward thinking at its best. I'm proud to be a Tasmanian.

Cheers,

Pam

TASMANIAN GAY AND LESBIAN RIGHTS GROUP

Media Release
Tuesday November 17th 2009

OFFICIALLY-RECOGNISED TAS RELATIONSHIP CEREMONIES WELCOME
TAS MOVE PUTS PRESSURE ON RUDD NOT TO OVERTURN A.C.T. CEREMONIES

Tasmanian gay activists have welcomed today's announcement by the Tasmanian Government that couples entering State Deeds of Relationship can now have officially-recognised ceremonies involving celebrants and witnesses.

Tasmanian Gay and Lesbian Rights Group spokesperson, Rodney Croome, said the new ceremonies will allow same-sex couples to declare their love and commitment in front of friends and family members in a way which is dignified, solemn and has official recognition.

"Until now, registering a Deed of Relationship has been a dry, administrative process, but the Government's initiative allows it to be linked to, and marked by, an officially-recognised declaration of love and commitment overseen by a celebrant and witnessed by loved ones", Mr Croome said.

"This will allow same-sex couples to have that special day on which their friends and family members gather to officially and publicly celebrate a couple's union."

"Our hope is that this will increase the numbers of couples who take advantage of the greater legal security and social recognition that comes with registering a Deed of Relationship."

"The Tasmanian Relationships Act is a world-class body of law, and now that body has a heart."

From today, changes to official regulations mean parters entering Tasmanian Deeds of Relationship are able to nominate the date they conduct their relationship ceremony as the date their Deed of Relationship is to be registered with the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages. As part of the ceremony an official certificate of relationship is signed by the partners, their celebrant and witnesses to mark the commencement of the Deed of Relationship.

Under the Relationships Act, passed in 2003, couples in Deeds of Relationship have the same rights in state law as married couples. Following the passage of last year's national same-sex entitlements law, state registered partners are also recognised in federal law.

Mr Croome said the new Deed of Relationship ceremonies should not be confused with marriage.

"The recognition of personal relationships in state law was never intended as a substitute for equality in marriage, something which same-sex couples still do not have."

Last week the A.C.T. Legislative Assembly amended the Territory's Civil Partnership Act to allow for same-sex partnership ceremonies.

A legislative amendment was not required in Tasmania because the Relationships Act has allowed for the possibility of official ceremonies from its inception.

Mr Croome said the new Tasmanian ceremonies puts pressure on the Rudd Government to allow the ACT to also have official ceremonies.

"With officially-recognised ceremonies allowed in Tasmania, the Federal Government has no grounds upon which to ban them in the A.C.T.", Mr Croome said.

Ceremonies will not begin to occur until December, due to the 28 day period it takes to process applications for Deeds of Relationship.

As at September 30th this year 145 couples had entered a Deed of Relationship with 9 revocations. Of the remaining 136 recognised couples 52 are male couples, 51 female couples, 31 opposite-sex couples and 2 caring couples.

These figures are exactly proportional to the number of partners who have entered civil unions in New Zealand since 2004.

For more information contact Rodney Croome on 0409 010 668. For comment from a registered marriage celebrant who conducts same-sex commitment ceremonies, contact Peter Power on 0417 017 105.

TASMANIAN GAY AND LESBIAN RIGHTS GROUP

Media Statement
Tuesday November 17th 2009

SAME-SEX PARENT LAW PASSES FINAL HURDLE

A Tasmanian Government law giving legal parental status to the same-
sex partner of a woman who has a child through fertility treatment
has passed its final hurdle and will now become law.

Tasmanian Gay and Lesbian Rights Group spokesperson, Rodney Croome,
said the move will bring legal peace-of-mind to many Tasmanian
families.

Womens' Legal Service Managing Solicitor, Susan Fahey, said her
service will now begin the process of educating same-sex couples,
their families and the broader community about the impact of reform.

This afternoon the Tasmanian Lower House accepted Upper House
amendments making the legal recognition of co-mothers
retrospectively effective from the passage of the Relationships Act
in 2003 when same-sex relationships were recognised in other
Tasmanian laws.

The retrospectivity amendment was proposed by Windermere
(Launceston) Upper House member, Ivan Dean, to compensate for the
failure of the Upper House to support co-mother recognition when it
was first proposed by the State Government as part of the
Relationships Act six years ago.

Tasmanian Attorney-General, Lara Giddings, who this morning
announced the commencement of officially-recognised relationship
ceremonies in Tasmania, said the Government was "pleased and
surprised" that the traditionally-conservative Upper House had made
good its previous failure to recognise co-mothers by not only
supporting the new law but making it retrospective.

For more information contact Rodney Croome on 0409 010 668 or Susan
Fahey on 0418 434 226.

MOVEMBER

2009-11-04T23:26:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody,

I have decided to support Movember this year by signing up as an official Mo Sista.

During Movember (once known as November), men put down their razors for 30 days and grow a moustache with the aim of raising funds and awareness for men’s health – specifically prostate cancer and depression in men. The role of a Mo Sista is to support the Mo Bros in their life – brothers, boyfriends, Dads, uncles, cousins, husbands – and help them to raise funds.

What many people don’t appreciate is that close to 3,000 men die of prostate cancer each year in Australia and one in eight men will experience depression in their lifetime - many of whom don’t seek help. Facts like these have convinced me I should get involved this year and I am hoping you will support me as I try and raise funds.

To support me and the Mos in my life, you can either:

•    Click this link http://au.movember.com/mospace/123243/ and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account
•    Write a cheque payable to ‘Movember Foundation’, referencing my Registration Number 123243 and mailing it to: Movember Foundation, PO Box 292, Prahran, VIC, 3181.

Remember, all donations over $2 are tax deductible.

Movember is now in its sixth year and, to date, has achieved some pretty amazing results by working alongside men’s health partners, The Prostate Cancer Foundation (PCFA) and beyondblue: the national depression initiative. Check out further details at: http://au.movemberfoundation.com/research-and-programs.

To find out more information on Movember, check out http://au.movember.com.

Thank you in advance for supporting my on my Movember journey as a Mo Sista.

Pamela Andrews

CHILD ABUSE

2009-09-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

Please take ten minutes out of your day to go to the NAPCAN: PREVENTING CHILD ABUSE website and complete a survey about raising awareness of child abuse in Australia. This is a really important issue that we can all help raise awareness about. They're hoping to get 50,000 survey participants (especially men) but so far, they haven't quite reached 13,000. Help them out!

Far, far away, in an enchanted castle, music is calling for me...

2009-09-14T00:33:00.001-07:00

So, after a fantastic and fun week in Melbourne and Sydney with the Broadway to Australia: An Evening with Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty show, I got to visit the Sydney Conservatorium of Music for the first time, meet a couple of the vocal staff members and figure out my plans for next year. After seeing that the Sydney Con is actually a castle, my heart became set on studying there. And it is next to (practically in) the Royal Botanical Gardens. HELLOOOOO! Sounds like a no-brainer. Had a chat to the lovely ladies who would be in charge of me, and found out that everybody thinks I should do the undergraduate advanced diploma of opera. Then I found out that my current singing teacher thought that I should do that course all along. Have since worked out that I'm an eejit who somehow missed the part about the opera diploma being a three-year undergraduate degree. I hadn't really envisioned myself doing ANOTHER undergraduate music degree, but I've gotten used to the idea remarkably quickly. I wouldn't have to do all the theory and history again (probably would be good for me to do it all again but thankfully it's not in the course outline; I don't know how much more of history I could take anyway -- it stabs me in the throat -- MUCH prefer music theory -- and that is weird, I thought I'd LOVE history -- but turns out I think it's boring!), as the entire degree is dance classes, acting classes, singing lessons, vocal coachings, and four opera productions per year. Again - a no-brainer! I've done all the yard-work and gotten myself up to scratch, musically. I'm at a point where I'm intelligent enough (I think) to be molded into a good performer (I hope). And this course, being FULL of stage work and pesky things like dancing and acting that I don't have much experience in, will surely do the trick!

The only problem is money. Money, money, money. Why is it ALWAYS about the money? Sydney is widely renowned across Australia as being the most expensive city to live in, and that's because it is. Absolutely. Rents in Sydney are sky-high and everything costs more. I was astonished at the parking fees my lovely friend B was paying while she was driving me around everywhere! Flat rates of $20 and up! $20! In Hobart, your first hour in a car-park is FREE, then it's 60c for the second hour, $1.50 for the next... SCANDALOUS. Anyway, so the money angle is going to be my big hurdle. I'm going to have to tighten my belt and get rid of all of my possessions on eBay (something which I'm looking forward to).

I can just imagine the conversation that I'm going to have with my Mother (a.k.a. The Voice of my Conscience). Disclaimer: I have not HAD this conversation with my Mother. My Mother is actually a very nice and very reasonable lady.

ME: "Sooooo, I'd like to move to Sydney next year, Mam!"
MUM: "What for?"
ME: "Undergraduate Advanced Diploma of Opera."
MUM: "Undergraduate? Don't you already have a degree? What have you been doing for the past seven years in Hobart?"
ME: "Yes, I did a Diploma of Music, Bachelor of Music and Bachelor of Music with Honours. Now I would like to do an Advanced Diploma of Opera."
MUM: "Why? Isn't the Bachelor of Music good enough to get into Opera?"
ME: "Frankly... no."
MUM: "Why did you do it, then?"
ME: "Because I wasn't very good and needed all the musical experience and knowledge. Now I am ready to move on to something bigger and better. And that just happens to be the opera degree in Sydney."
MUM: "Is that covered by HECS?"
ME: "Don't know. Have already used lots of HECS."
MUM: "Why Sydney? Can't you do it in Launceston?"
ME: "... No. It has to be Sydney."
MUM: "How are you going to afford to live in Sydney? You don't have any savings."
ME: "I know. Shit, ay. Ummm... prostitute myself on the streets?"
MUM: "Har har har."
ME: "Get a part-time job and wing it?"
MUM: "What about Centrelink?"
ME: "They hate me."
MUM: "Whose fault is that?"
ME: "Mine."
MUM: "How will you afford rent?"
ME: "Don't know."
MUM: "How will you afford to run your car?"
ME: "Don't know."
MUM: "How will you afford to eat?"
ME: "Don't know."
MUM: "And you really want to go?"
ME: "Yes."

I will have to figure something out. Because this course is what I want to do!

Mid-week news

2009-09-02T18:18:00.001-07:00

I spent yesterday evening catching up on emails and taking quizzes on the BBC Science website. FANTASTIC. I've learned that I have a 25% female brain, I'm attracted to masculine faces, I actully have quite a good memory for patterns and numbers, and this just in -

Your score is: 19

You're in the top group - score 17 - 25
You've got top-dollar millionaire potential. You're careful with your money and have a healthy attitude to it. You're hard-working and determined to be successful.

Yes, that's right. I am going to be a millionaire because I am so wonderful with money. *snort* My mother is going to read this and be in helpless tears and fits of laughter. Funny. Having said that, though, I've taken a lot of interest in The Barefoot Investor lately, so who knows? Maybe I will eventually become money-savvy! A lot of the problems I've faced in the past is that I haven't actually HAD any money to save/invest... That's problematic... Uni student budgets... Boring to me...

Tomorrow, I set off with the BROADWAY TO AUSTRALIA show. I only wish that it were a full-scale production playing all around Australia for six months! We're playing in Melbourne tomorrow night, Sydney on Monday night and Hobart on Wednesday night. GET YOUR TIX!!! It's going to be so fabulous. Seriously. Three nights of singing numbers with Ahrens/Flaherty and their fabulous soloists? Whatever! Get out. So fantastic. So excited.

I'm also taking the opportunity to meet 'n' greet with the vocal staff at the Sydney Conservatorium while I'm there --- very, very interested in their Graduate Diploma in Music (Opera)...

Sara Jane

2009-08-27T19:57:00.000-07:00

My gorgeous friend Sara Jane, fresh from winning an AMPLIFIED award (Tasmania) this year, is now ripping up the Blues & Roots charts on TRIPLE J UNEARTHED. Please, if you've got a minute, take the time to listen to and rate her tracks. I think she's got a lot of talent, and she's such a sincere, dedicated person that I would love to see her get all the support that I'm able to drum up for her. Clicky clicky! Sara Jane - Triple J Unearthed.

A memento

2009-08-19T03:33:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Iiiiiii am rather excited.

I was in Launceston the other day, and went up to Holyman House to visit the Photobat office while they celebrated Cupcake Day (all proceeds to the RSPCA) and showcased their stuff.

I've been musing for ages over the idea of signing up with Photobat to do a portrait session. I don't have anything in mind... at all... but I've been a long-time fan of Alan Moyle's work. Check out his website. Seriously. Love his style. (And check out the blog.)

I want to capture who I am now. Somebody on the verge of enormous change! Somebody a little bit nervous and plenty of bits excited and mostly just looking forward to an exciting unknown future!

I'm busy making plans... Lots of plans... I can't reveal anything yet, because nothing has happened (drat) but the plans are underway.

I'm going to be so sad to leave this lovely city and especially sad to leave the gems of people I have come across here ... but it's onward and upward for me, and it starts today.

I'll keep you updated on the Photobat thing! Totally pumped for it!

August 11

2009-08-11T01:14:00.000-07:00

Midnights in Winter
The glowing fire
Lights up your face in orange and gold.
I see your sweet smile
Shine through the darkness
It's line is etched in my memory.

So I'd know you by heart.

Mornings in April
Sharing our secrets
We'd walk until the morning was gone.
We were like children
Laughing for hours
The joy you gave me lives on and on.

‘Cause I know you by heart.

I still hear your voice
On warm Summer nights
Whispering like the wind.

You left in Autumn
The leaves were turning
I walked down roads of orange and gold.
I saw your sweet smile
I heard your laughter
You're still here beside me every day.

‘Cause I know you by heart,

‘Cause I know you by heart.

Eva Cassidy :: I Know You By Heart

An eventful week

2009-07-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

Last week, I flew to Melbourne to compete in the first round of the Australian Singing Competition (also known as the Marianne Mathy award, as the first prize of $30,000.00 toward overseas study is sponsored by the estate of the late Marianne Mathy). Naturally, I got sick. Healthy as a really healthy horse for months upon months, and then as soon as I start preparing for my first national singing competition, I get a horrendous headcold. HONESTLY. WHO DOES MY BODY THINK IT IS?!

In my defence, I did actually catch the cold from a bunch of ill singers at the Festival of Voices gospel workshops that I did the previous weekend. Now THEY were cool. We got to work with Myron Butler and his lovely wife Timberlyn. What a great experience. Worth the illness!

Anyway, so I went to Melbs to compete in the competition. I thought, considering how snuffly and drippy and coughy I was, that I sang quite well! I didn't forget any of the words, which I had of course panicked about due to leaving the memorisation 'til the last minute, and thought I projected nicely and sang OK. I mean, I didn't sing spectacularly but... anyway. I just got a letter today telling me that I didn't get through. And that's OK. I can try again next year, but that'll be the last time as I wil be twenty-six next July.

I started with "Chanson triste" by Henri Duparc, and was then asked (from my list of submitted repertoire) for "Tornami a vagheggiar", an aria from the opera Alcina by Handel.

Anyway, on to the more important aspects of the week!

On Saturday night, Elysia (housemate), Helen (sister) and I went to see the production of AVENUE Q currently showing in Melbourne. Can I just say first -- I am a huge fan of Avenue Q. My brother gave me the CD (well, "lent" - but I have "permanently borrowed" it) a couple of years ago, and I just fell in love with it. I have since seen a bit of a bootleg of a production of it on *cough* YouTube *cough* (can't remember if it was West End or Broadway - have seen bits and pieces from both on the special tube), so I already knew the show... but that didn't detract from it at all! What a fantastic show it is. It's so funny. So accessible to adults of all ages. I was surrounded by people of every generation (including the guy who plays 'Harold' on Neighbours, who was sitting in our row, but hey, I'm just saying - celebrities flock to me). There were a few Americanisms in the show that the Australian cast had altered for easy comprehension by Australian audiences, ie., "Mexican bus-boys" became "Mexican waiters", and "... change my major, or f*** my TA" became, "... change my major, or f*** all day". You know. And there is a line very late in the show about how, "George Bush! ... is only for now", that became, "Swine flu! ... is only for now", which I cacked myself at. Clever. Great show. Fully recommend it. Unfortunately, the show ends in early August in Melbourne so get a wriggle on and book your tickets ASAP!

On Sunday night, Helen and I went to see French and Saunders live. THANK GOD WE TOOK A TAXI. Man. I could never have navigated my way to the Palais Theatre in St Kilda. Roads were blocked and it was all complicated! Anyway, the Palais Theatre is gorgeous! Holy shit! What a fantastic theatre. I saw a poster advertising Ben Folds the night before I'm due to fly to Melbourne for the ASCAP "Broadway to Australia" gigs that I'm doing with the Southern Gospel Choir ... Can you imagine? Ben Folds in this gorgeous theatre! In Melbourne! Oh! I bet it's already sold out, too. Meh. I seriously love my Ben Folds collection ... but moving on from that - how fantastic are French and Saunders? God, do I even need to go into any detail? I'd already watched the DVD of the show (and yet I forked out over $200 for my ticket) but had a wonderful time regardless. The fact that I was seeing French and Saunders in the flesh was so exciting to me! Two people that I've watched on TV for years and years and years were suddenly there, fifteen metres away from me on stage. THAT was cool. I love those moments! (I want to have a Ben Folds moment like that. Must google the availability of tickets!) So star-struck. They were larger than life, infectious, funny, generous with their audience and seemed to be having a genuinely good time (even though they must've done that show, word-for-word, for a year now!). I got a t-shirt. I wore it with pride on the way home from Melbourne. LOL.

We didn't have much money so we didn't really do a lot else, just kicked around in our hotel on Little Bourke St and stepped out to soak up the Melburnian atmosphere around the streets. Tried to go to the Salvador Dali exhibition, but it was packed, and then I tried to go to the Star Wars exhibition at Scienceworks in Spotswood, but the "helpful volunteer" standing on a shop corner designed to help tourists didn't really know how to get there and suggested that I take a free bus ride instead. "Oh," I said, "Will it drop me off near Scienceworks?" He shook his head. "No, but it's free..."

... Riiiiiight.

On a health-related note, in addition to my head-cold (sore throat, sneezing, coughing, rivers of snot), I managed to get period pain, headaches, develop two enormous blisters on both heels that STILL haven't gone down (six days later), and slice my finger open with my razor as I was packing up all my bathroom products. Full marks to me in the "needy" stakes!

Had a great time. Recommend Melbourne.

Happy birthday to me!

2009-07-05T19:12:00.001-07:00

I love my birthday. Despite the fact that I have been sick on a number of different birthday occasions, I still frigging love mine. Even though I had to work for nine hours at a service station on my birthday this year (yesterday), I still loved it. We went to Mezethes Greek Restaurant for dinner last night (that was AMAZING, as usual) and then had dessert and champagne at my house. Yay! So good. Had some really good cooking triumphs this time. Made a really yummy lemon slice (I was going to link to the recipe, but the tab seems to have disappeared from my Firefox... can't seem to stop people 'borrowing' my laptop to watch things on YouTube!), caramel slice, Mars Bar slice, chocolate crackles, truffles... Jess was my big, big helper on Saturday night. We made these things whilst dancing and singing madly to all the best musicals (I'm talking Little Women and Avenue Q, man) and it was great. Good times ahoy.

Can't believe I'm 25. WHAT HAVE I ACHIEVED?!?!?!

In the past, people have said to me that I am a really difficult person to buy presents for. I disagree! I am going to list for you what people bought me this year, as it suits me DOWN TO THE GROUND.

Many cards (I love cards)
The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde*
T2 French Earl Grey tea leaves
T2 Madagascan Vanilla tea leaves
A very dainty and sweet tea-cup
Bill Bailey The Classic Collection DVD
Grug Has A Birthday, by Ted Prior**
A big black umbrella with music notes and a piano keyboard***
An ethos bibita silver wine-rack
A Bonnae silver charms keyring!
Harry Potter Poster Sticker Annual 2009 book
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince mini sticker book
This Little Piggy Went To Prada, by Amy Allen****
A stack of three notepads reading: Some things are better rich; coffee, chocolate and men.
Notepads came with a cute pen and a leopard-print ribbon!
Reese's Peanut-Butter Cups
Reese's Mini Peanut-Butter Cups
A little notepad edged in music
A ruby and cubic zirconia necklace from Prouds, to match my graduation earrings
A Lush "Happy" box, full of delicious-smelling things from Lush
Pretty fresh flowers
Noodle-box of chocolates from Norman and Dann
The Sims 3 for PC*****
Bottle o'wine
Party poppers
Sparklers
Balloons
Glow sticks

* I am so glad that Jen got me a new copy of this book. She didn't know if I already have it, and I do; I bought it second-hand, and haven't been able to read past the first chapter because the book smells like old, musty cigarettes, and I can't abide it!

** That was such a cute idea for a present. I loved Grug!

*** SO MUCH WIN.

**** Dude. So cool. Natalie and B will be so proud. Thanks, Lucy!

***** From my siblings. So much love for them right now.

Kate has lent book three in The Mediator series by Meg Cabot also, which is the only one I haven't read yet. So I'm delighted!

One Chance

2009-07-02T17:48:00.000-07:00

I have just bought a new CD. (New as in it's new to me, cos it sure as hell ain't new to the CD market.)

Paul Potts - One Chance.

I'm about to listen to it. Let you know how it goes. I'm proud of Paul Potts for fighting for what he wants out of life! You go, girlfriend! And yes, I'm incredibly jealous that he gets to record CDs of songs that he loves AND make a packet doing it. I have this deep-seated jealousy of everybody who gets to do that. Il Divo, Josh Groban, Charlotte Church (though not anymore - oh dear - that pop album - er - where to look - awkward), Amici, Hayley Westenra, etc etc etc. Bastards, all of them. I WISH I could do what they're doing. I would TOTALLY sell out and record popera if it meant that I could have a blast doing it and pay the rent. Le sigh.

Anyway, back to the new CD business. I also just ordered yet ANOTHER limited edition thinger of Josh Groban's that he's releasing. Gordon Bennett, kid, slow down and let me catch up! He's going to send me broke. Lucy and Mikey reasoned that I didn't actually HAVE to keep buying the stuff, but hellooooooo... it's a collection now... therefore, it must be completed!

Also, I just got ahold of Chess In Concert (Josh Groban, Idina Menzel, other people I can't remember). WONDERFUL! I had never listened to Chess before. What a great show. How hot does Idina sound in it? It's so far removed from Elphaba the Wicked Witch of the West that I'm gobsmacked and impressed. What a genius. Love it. Can't wait for the DVD to arrive. Also, massive kudos to the Customer Service Team at Warner Bros, who let me re-download the pre-release digital tracks after my laptop was cruelly wiped by ASUSTek (but in a very timely fashion, I must say). Wouldn't have been so cruel if I'd learned to back up my files properly in the first place. Moron.

OK! Listening to Paul now!

EDIT

OK, I love this Paul Potts album. What a champion. GO TEAM PAUL! He is obviously having a ball doing what he loves.

In other news, this has caused me to create a separate pile of CDs which I am naming "Lolly Music" (which is very complimentary, even though it doesn't sound like it, but I like lollies, and I like these CDs, so it's OK), and I have discovered that my PERSONALLY AUTOGRAPHED copy of Il Divo's first album is MISSING. All of my Da Vinci's Notebook CDs are missing TOO.

*low growl*

'Fess up.

Opus 101

2009-06-22T01:11:00.000-07:00

I really want to write my rant about the Twilight obsession that the majority of the populace seems to be going through, but it makes me too cross to write about and I can't be cross tonight because I'm page-turning for one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world and if I screw up the page-turns while he's playing that godforsaken cello sonata on the piano, I'm dead.

So I'm going to tell you about something I'm loving at the moment instead.

I'm currently listening to Susan Graham, an exquisite mezzo-soprano, singing a CD just bursting at the seams with songs composed by Ned Rorem. I can't recommend this CD enough.

I am an avid fan of Ned Rorem. He has such a good eye for poetry, and selects such inspiring works to set. I am forever falling in love with poem after poem after singing it in one of Rorem's settings. Secondly, he appears to have an acute understanding of the voice and how to articulate said beautiful poetry. I mostly hate musicology, so I won't try to sound all wanky, but his methods of vocal setting are just exquisite. Exquisite! I love all of his songs, and am eager to try more and more and more!

And what can I say about Susan Graham? My God. She is more my idol than any other singer on this planet. I mean, I love Jessye Norman with my heart and soul, and nothing will ever convince me not to love and idolise her, but Susan Graham's voice is the one voice on earth that I most identify with. I love her tone, her warmth, the richness of her sound. She is so real, so gorgeously honest. She is not the same kind of soprano as me; I honestly do believe that I will turn out to be a lyric soprano of sorts, whilst Susan is defined properly as some sort of mezzo-soprano. I'm not really sure, I'm not too savvy with all the different terms for sopranos. I don't really care, either. Having been the subject of so many arguments about "Is she a mezzo-soprano?" "Is she a soprano?" for years, I couldn't care less about defining one by their voice type. I mean, shit. Get over it. Yes, yes, it's important to be aware of one's voice type, and gently educate it and grow and learn, yada yada yada, sing the right roles for opera without damaging one's voice, et cetera, but honestly - when it all comes down to it - just sing.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Susan Graham is a creature of loveliness. She is so rewarding to listen to. Wonderful enunciation, gorgeously warm tone, fabulous spin and momentum, and such an air of intelligence that you can't help but be drawn in. What a star. I love her. Lots of love.

So my point is that you should get ahold of Susan Graham's "Songs of Ned Rorem". Malcolm Martineau plays the piano for her, and he is, of course, beyond comparison... I had the opportunity to meet him last year, and I found him to be an entirely very intelligent, intuitive pianist with more brains and passion that all the singers in the world put together.

I do have another CD of Ned Rorem's works on which Ned Rorem actually plays, but I just cannot abide the singer. Carole Farley, I believe her name is. I do not mean to disrespect her, but her methods of performing art song are just so far removed from my own that I find her very difficult to listen to...

I should be off now! 'Twas a pleasure listening to Susan Graham and sharing her with you.

2009-05-28T06:13:00.000-07:00

My beautiful, WONDERFUL friend Marcella Mathot-Dewis took GORGEOUS photos of me yesterday, as I need a portrait shot for a singing competition application I'm working on.

(I know. When you reach a more important level than 'local eisteddfod' in singing, you have to APPLY to compete. Wtf.)

Anyway, I was so excited that I wanted to share one!

Thank you, Marcella!

xxx

La Traviata

2009-05-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I have the immense privilege of participating in the new Tasmanian Opera Chorus as we accompany The Melbourne Opera Company in their production of Verdi's La Traviata at the Theatre Royal. I missed most of the rehearsals due to other commitments, and have kind of come in at the last minute, but I have to tell you - this experience is great. The camaraderie, the fabulous music, the fun staging, the FANTASTIC costumes - bliss! All of this validates my firm belief that this really is what I want to do. I wouldn't mind if I was a chorus-girl for the rest of my life. What fun there is in forming part of the chorus in an opera. We get to do Tosca at the end of the year... isn't that wonderful? I'm turning into a raving opera loony!

Shadows and Light Tour

2009-04-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

There were so many words and feelings swirling around me during the Lior concert that I went to see tonight. I had to blog about it, just to remember it. Sorry. You don't have to read it or anything! It's rather long and a bit ramble-y but it feels oh-so-important to get it out.

Once in awhile, it really hits home to me about what I do and why I do it. It is inevitable in life that, every once in awhile, something or someone will inspire you more than other things and other people have recently. Being inspired to continue is the greatest feeling; it validates your belief in yourself. Sometimes, there'll be somebody who comes along and just blows your mind, every time; somebody who tends to validate your reason for breathing.

Check out the picture up top. (I'm sure he won't mind, should he ever be extremely bored and searching amongst the internet attic for mentions of his own name, with additional search terms of "oh god" and "possibly the best person in the world"). That's Lior. Who's Lior? You probably already know. In fact, you've probably already had your own version of discovering Lior for yourself! You've probably been to one or more of his gigs in your town. You've probably stood in the crowd and swayed to 'Bedouin Song' or 'Diego and the Village Girl' and had your own epiphany. Well, that's cool. Let me rave on about mine.

The first time I saw Lior live was probably at least three years ago now, if not four. He was holed up in the Republic Bar, in North Hobart. Packed house. He managed to silence the place when he sang, and I was so impressed. How could anybody be so at ease on a pub stage and yet appear as though they would be equally at home singing from the top of a pyramid, or in a lush forest, or in a market, or a famous concert hall stage? He was remarkable to me. Until that date, I had never encountered a singer who was SO FABULOUS live. I knew his album ("Autumn Flow"), and was amazed that his live show was even BETTER. I had never encountered a singer who managed to make their live shows better than their recordings. Lior did that. He improvised confidently, and took us down pathways to his Eastern heritage (hell's bells - a topic I won't go into now, but, suffice to say that, ever since viewing "Aladdin" as a young girl, I always wanted to explore a thesis topic to do with Eastern ornamentation in vocal music - and then I met the hierarchy at the post-grad department at uni - blech). I was young in my musical and singing education back then (and still am, God forbid), but I knew that what I was seeing and hearing was special, and unique to Lior. He delivered his show with rare honesty that I've never found in another singer.

Moving forward about a year, I saw Lior again, in a different venue. A place called "The Venue" (which is actually about a two-minute walk from my current doorstep, but that's another stalkerish point altogether). Lior was more on display here, less of the pub noise; it was more like a concert instead of a gig, and it suited him. Fast-forward to a couple of months ago, and I was like, "Wut? Excuse me? Lior is doing a show at the Theatre Royal?" (One of the oldest, most haunted and most elaborate theatres in the history of Australia.) This, I had to see.

Lior, you never disappoint me (or your millions of other fans worldwide). This time, Lior brought along not only a string quartet (more on that in a minute), but an opening act (which, come to think of, he did both other times as well... duh) and a master craftsman whose speciality is shadow puppeteering. WOW. How innovative is that? One bloke and his guitar, with four string players, a girl with HER guitar, and a guy showcasing shadow puppetry. What a team. Magic! The string arrangements for Lior's songs were lovely. Nothing too adventurous and nothing out of the ordinary, but completely suitable and didn't detract from or steal the spotlight from Lior at all. Enhancing the mood nicely, I'll say. The shadow puppeteering in a really big moon-shaped blob on the back curtain during the songs was - shall I use the word again? - masterful. Entirely creative, this guy, Stephen somebody, was backstage using all manner of strange and unrelated objects to create shadows of stories on the screen; stories which had been carefully thought out and designed to reflect a kind of story and mood to accompany each song. Wow! Didn't know what to watch - the shadows, the string players or Lior! I don't know why I'm so surprised at the showmanship of this tour but I guess I really wasn't expecting it.

That quick minute on the string players - I knew the first violinist! I don't know her well or anything (she is amazing, whereas I am - hello? Have you BEEN paying attention?), but she got to play with Lior! So jealous right now...

Lior's witty repartee between songs has really relaxed. He wasn't ever uptight or anything, but all the experience that he's gained since his first national tour has really shaped him into an even more charismatic, funny person, who just seems so at home on the stage. He delivered so many funny stories and one-liners to the audience tonight. It was really great. He is an awesome story-teller. I am really impressed with his growth as a performer. Vocally, he was as impressive as ever, but I was most interested by the showmanship - the thing that really sells you to your audience, you know? Boring thing for me to notice, but that's what I noticed.

In his show tonight, Lior got kind of personal and mentioned a time where he was living in London, and feeling completely uninspired by his surroundings and his day-to-day activities. He talked about almost forgetting the reason that he was in music to begin with. And can't we all identify with that? It's taken me ten years, some performance experience, plenty of life experience and a few hypnotherapy sessions with a very qualified psychologist for me to nut out that I am not the only person who feels like this. I am NOT the only musician who ever feels like this. Lior talked about needing to rediscover what it was that he so loved about music, and being inspired by a cleaner at his apartment whose dreams were so close to the surface of her that she was blinking back tears after talking about them for only a minute. Isn't that kind of wonderful? I mean, she probably feels shit most of the time that she's not living her dream (hence the tears), but isn't it also kind of amazing and beautiful and wondrous that her dreams are, as Lior put it, so close to the surface? I had to agree. I think it is the most tragic thing in the world for somebody to forget their dreams.

My dad sent me an email forward the other day (as he often does), that was directed at older people. It said something about how, as you grow older, you learn what it feels like to regret having never pursued some of your dreams. This forwarded email (always so bittersweet with a touch of irony - if only the writers of these crappy forwards put their names on the emails so that they, too, could be famous for fifteen minutes) gave the impression that it is completely normal for people not to have pursued some of their dreams in life.

Well, BUGGER OFF.

Whose dumb idea was that?!

Shit. This life, you know? It ends. One of these days, maybe sooner than I want, my life is going to end. It is. I'm going to stop breathing, and everything that I will have been working on (no doubt leaving piles of unfinished scrapbooking, hundreds of unread books, my bed messy, piles of things "to be sorted" on the floor and half-learned songs scattered all over the house) will be cleaned up, dealt with, shelved, sold, given away and moved on from. It's true! Are you frightened of it? I am, a little bit. I'm worried that I'll die before I get a chance to really experience everything I want to experience. I mean, I don't lie awake thinking, "Oh shit, really gotta work on that opera career" or "Christ be Jesus, must get me that seventh book in The Princess Diaries series tomorrow because I might be dead by Sunday". It could be a cool personality quirk if I did, but I think mostly it'd just be annoying. For me, and for you, because you'd be reading about it. Hell, you're reading this. What's to say you wouldn't read the neurotic blog posts of a paranoid woman?

One day, I'm going to die. And so are you. And I don't want there to be ANY regrets.

(I also don't want any of my previous English teachers to see my incorrect usage of the word "and" so many times in one blog post...)

I don't want to get to forty and regret not having done this. This! This. What Lior is talking about. On a different scale. I'm getting to the point. Do you know what Lior does for me? He does for me what somebody else does for you. You probably know who it is, but I don't know who you are, so I'm just going to attempt to guess. Let's say yours is Kermit the Frog. The little green man excites you and makes you want to live peacefully and spread happy messages of love, green-love, ribbits and world peace to small children on network television. Every time you see him do something great, you get so keyed up! You get so excited! He is affirming your desire to help the world! "SAVE THE CHILDREN FROM BORING TV!" you will shout from your rooftop, after viewing the newest and greatest Muppet movie. "WORLD PEAAAAACE!" you will yell, as though Kermit is there yelling it with you. You feel like somebody understands your point of view. Somebody validates your TRUTH. Your reason for living. Your reason for breathing. The one thing that you want to achieve more than anything else in your entire life. Somebody else wants that and is living that and they're being a living inspiration to you each and every day. It's such a powerful feeling. It makes my tummy bubble happily and words spin around crazily in my head, begging to escape, and an all-powerful, all-encompassing desire to leap out of my theatre seat and race down to the stage, skidding on, panting, and going, "Sorry I'm late! I was dozing up there!"

It can be so hard. It is so nice to hear somebody so successful talk about how hard it can be to keep going. Isn't it nice to know that people with successful music careers, big tours, mega respect and mega bucks can also suffer from this scary thing that is pursuing music as a valid career and lifestyle choice? Geez, man. It's kind of frightening. All I know, and all I've ever known, is that there are many different choices out there for me to make, and many different career paths that I could've ventured down, but this is the one that lights my fire. This is the one that sets my blood ablaze and rigs up one hell of a party in my body. Music makes me want to sing, to dance, to run around in mad circles barking happily, to write prolific amounts of words than can never do justice to what I feel and to pass on this happy, happy feeling to all of the little cherubs who cross my path and want to learn to sing. Music makes me feel more alive than anything else on the face of the earth. I want to sing EVERY type of song, and master EVERY genre of singing that there is. I don't want to be restricted by anyone or anything and I want to experience everything. Music is my dearest friend, and my partner for life. I could never shun it. But sometimes, this realistic world in which we live brings me down occasionally, and the lack of money, the lack of security and the constant adventure can wear me down...

Isn't it nice to know that Lior feels the same way?

Thanks, Lior. You and your stunning concert (as always) have just made me feel glad I'm alive.

Cheers,
Pam

Something they really SHOULD bring back

2009-04-22T18:32:00.001-07:00

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

---SAVAGE GARDEN
(Darren Hayes & Daniel Johns)

I miss Savage Garden.

That is all.

Layout & Hijacking

2009-04-14T10:12:00.001-07:00

~~~

This is Natalie hijacking Pam's blog because I currently can. Cue evil maniacal laughter.

I'm done with your layout, Pammy... hope you like it! Though really, all I did was make you a header and the rest took care of itself.

B says she's been watching some sort of cartoon (Winks Club? Winx Club? It is a club of some kind. I am sure of it.) and the three main groups of characters are Fairies, Pixies and Witches. Apparently, your blog name and mine have Fairies and Pixies covered so she's going to think of a witchy name for hers. Message her with suggestions!

Uncle Karl layout for Elephant Fairy blog coming up soon...

You know that behind those stylish black sunglasses lie a pair of laser beam eyes, and he only wears leather biker gloves because he must conceal the scars from the retractable adamantium claws that keep accidentally sprouting when he's trying to sketch a bouclé jacket for his new Spring collection. If that doesn't inspire fear and motivation, I don't know what will. And I may or may not just have watched a Marvel Comic movie adaptation.

Natalie Faye

P.S. Everyone reading this should also add Team Supahero to their blog rolls because Pammy also blogs there and it is frankly awesome.

~~~

Team Baby, And The Thing That Made It All Worth It

2009-04-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

Birthing babies

2009-04-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

Holy shit. I had no idea that birthing babies was such hard work.

Okay. So I knew that labour was painful. I've seen the movies and read the books. Women screaming, men panicking, doctors yelling for things like forceps and scissors, and eventually, a baby's cry piercing the silence.

My best buddy of over ten years gave birth nearly three days ago now. Months ago, we had the 'discussion', and it was decreed that I would be allowed to be present at the birth of this, her first baby. I didn't really think too much about it. I knew it would probably be a bit gross but I was very excited about the prospect of seeing somebody being born and all that it entails.

Thursday, April 9. 15:30. Phone rings. It's my friend. She says that she thinks that the back pain she's had for the past two days (two sleepless nights) have been the beginning of labour, as the pains are ten minutes apart quite regularly now. I rejoice. Baby! One problem. I'm over two hours away.

Thursday, April 9. 17:30. My housemate and I are on the road.

Thursday, April 9. 18:30. I get a text message advising me that my friend's contractions are five minutes apart now, so she's at the hospital already. I panic quietly, urging time to slow down so that I can get there sooner.

Thursday, April 9. 19:45. I arrive at the hospital, and run down the ramp towards the entrance, huffing and puffing my way up to the labour ward. I am stopped by a locked door and am eventually let into her labour room, only to find my friend, her husband, her mother and her oldest sister, not to mention a nurse. My friend is pacing back and forth, moaning, occasionally leaning forward on the bed, her face scrunched up in pain. "Shit," I think, "good thing I hurried!" We are convinced that labour will happen soon, as my friend is in incredible pain at very regular intervals.

Thursday, April 9. 21:00. A resident (read: doctor-in-training) comes in to tell my friend that she thinks my friend MIGHT have an infection because her waters MAY have broken a day or two earlier, and so, they're going to put in a cannula and feed my friend antibiotics to combat the problem before it becomes a problem. My friend doesn't really care, as she's too preoccupied with the incredibly difficult and painful contractions that her body is now subjecting her to at four-minute intervals. The resident examines my friend's wrist for ten to fifteen minutes, trying to find a friendly-looking vein. She eventually settles for one in my friend's wrist, and pats it uncertainly for a number of minutes, causing fear to grow in the pit of my stomach. I've had inexperienced people poke me with needles before, and it hurts. The resident gets out the big needle and starts sliding it into my friend's wrist. My friend starts to react... loudly... and then louder... and louder... crying now... screaming, in fact... and the resident says, "Oh, I've missed it," and instead of pulling it out, she wiggles it around! To try and find the vein by the power of the wiggle? God knows. So my friend is in agony in her abdomen and her wrist now. The resident eventually gives up, and then does a vaginal examination, only to figure out that the waters haven't broken at all and there's no risk of infection at this stage. Total eye-roll moment. We all mutter ferociously about how the next person to insert a needle will have a minimum of thirty years' experience.

Friday, April 10. 00:00. My friend is in total agony with her contractions. They are four-to-five minutes apart, depending, and contracting across her lower back and her front. I have never seen my best friend in so much pain. It worries me greatly, as I hate to see her so upset, exhausted and in so much pain. She cries with every contraction now, and is starting to say that she doesn't know how much longer she can keep it up for. The nurse comes in and suggests morphine. My friend is very reluctant, but we talk her into it. She's too tired to deal with so much pain.

Friday, April 10, 02:00. My friend's cervix has dilated to 4cm, but shows no sign of budging any further for a few hours. The morphine appears to have slowed the contractions down, as they are now ten minutes apart. We agree that we (her mum and I) will go home to get some rest and come back in the morning. I fall into bed about 03:15.

Friday, April 10. 05:30. I'm awake. I have to get back to the hospital to see how my friend is. I want to make sure that she's okay and I really don't want to miss the birth.

Friday, April 10. 06:30. I arrive at the hospital. The nurses are surprised to see me so soon. Fair enough, too. I really only slept for two hours. I chat with my friend as she deals with her contractions in bed. They're manageable at this stage, but picking up pace rapidly. We go for a short walk down the corridor and poke fun at some art on the walls. The contractions are becoming more and more regular, and increasing in severity. My friend is beginning to regret the walk.

Friday, April 10. 08:00. The staff have decided that my friend's labour is not pressing enough, and have come in to tell her that she should either go into the maternity ward and hang out there, or just go home and wait for the contractions to get worse. I'm thinking, how much worse do they have to be in order to qualify for a bed around here? The doctor then performs a vaginal examinations and reneges on his assessment of five minutes ago, telling my friend that she should stay in the hospital but hang out in maternity instead. We move all our stuff to the maternity ward. My friend is offered panadeine forte, but she declines at that stage, as she'd prefer to not take pain medication unless she really needs it. My friend is very upset that the staff seem to think that her labour pains are not exciting enough to be worried about.

Friday, April 10. 10:00. My friend is experiencing some very nasty contractions. We're all hungry, so I call my sister to come and get me for a food run. The nurse on duty has come in to introduce herself, and we're all a bit shell-shocked by her personality. "Hellooooo, dear!" she greeted my friend in a saccharine voice. "Are we having a baby today?" ... No, grated cheese. What do YOU think?

Friday, April 10. 11:00. I return with the food. We go for a walk to the hospital grounds. My friend can hardly move for contraction pain, and is utterly miserable, pausing after a few paces to dance around in agony.

Friday, April 10. 12:00. My friend is in so much that she doesn't know what to do. Her mother suggests a bath. We ask Barbie (as we have nicknamed the nurse) to run my friend a bath. Her older sister departs for her Easter holiday regretfully. It's now just my friend's mum and I, and my friend's husband. He goes home at this point to freshen up. The bath's warmth is very soothing to my friend. Her mum and I sit on either side of her, massaging her back and trying to help her through the contractions as she grips our hands, tenses her entire body in pain and cries her way through each contraction, regular as clockwork now as her body tries to prepare itself for the oncoming watermelon push-out.

Friday, April 10. 14:00. My friend requests another vaginal examination, desperate to know if all this pain has dilated her cervix any further. We are moved back to the labour ward. The contractions worsen. My friend can't speak properly for crying, exhausted and spent, each contractions wearying her more than the previous.

Friday, April 10. 17:00. My friend has been given a drip of fluids and sleeping stuff to help her relax. Apparently relaxing brings on the baby. I am entirely unsure at this point how anybody is supposed to be able to relax through contractions, as they seem to be the most horrible thing upon the earth. I make the mistake of walking past the nurse's station. A midwife on duty pulls me over for a short lecture on my friend's cervix, and the amount of dilation that still needs to occur. She ends her speech by telling me that my presence in the room isn't relaxing my friend and that I should just go home and come back later. I am extremely offended and sit in the corner of my friend's room, sulking, for over an hour. I eventually decide that maybe the midwife is right and I should go home for a break.

Friday, April 10. 19:45. I return to the hospital. My friend is in a chair, crying with exhaustion and pain. The midwife is there, telling her all about her options from then on in. The doctor arrives and tries to explain, loudly, about epidurals and pain relief but my friend is contracting and can't hear him for the blood pounding her ears as her body deals with the pain. After some long discussion and long episodes of crying, pain and exhaustion, it is agreed that my friend will have an epidural to relieve the pain and allow my friend to rest in between contractions.

Friday, April 10. 21:00. A South African anaesthetist comes and administers the local anaesthetic and the epidural. My friend is tucked up in the bed and soon slumbers between each contraction peacefully, her features gently relaxing as she can't feel the pain for awhile. Her drip is inducing her, and the contractions are as regular as a heart beating.

Saturday, April 11. 01:00. My friend is starting to feel the contractions again as the epidural wears off on one side. We are all exhausted by this point. The nurse comes in to examine my friend, and says that she needs to be induced further. The drip is altered. My friend's husband goes for a nap in the other bed. I take a brief nanna nap in the relatives' lounge while my friend's mum reads.

Saturday, April 11. 03:00. Things are well and truly underway. My friend is starting to contract repeatedly and, worse, she can feel it now.

Saturday, April 11. 03:40. My friend has just had six contractions in a row. The nurses and doctor get into labour mode and start setting up properly for the birth. Bowls and instruments are set out everywhere, the end of the bed removed and my friend examined. I am sent to fetch her husband from his nap. He proves difficult to wake. My friend is given instruction to begin pushing, and so she does with each contraction. We all alternate between holding her hand, holding her legs in stirrups and checking out the V-action as she begins to open up. Eventually, she is clutching the hands of her husband and her mother, and I am left sitting on a seat in the room, watching with the best possible view as the doctor gets into place to deliver the baby. My friend is beyond exhausted, but, with the news that the birth is really very imminent now, shows some gumption and pushes with gusto.

Saturday, April 11. 04:10. The baby's head crowns. Kind of. He needs some help. The doctor inserts a suction cap which adheres to the baby's head and guides him out gently. Then the suction cap and the head don't quite fit through, so my friend is snipped around the edges to make the hole bigger. The baby's head appears properly. I am fascinated by the colour. "It's green!" I say to my friend. "I can see the head!" "Oh good," she replies tiredly and continues pushing. The rest of baby begins to emerge, and I realise that the baby is in a sack with a greenish tinge to it. The head and shoulders are through, and the rest of the baby slides out with a plop, unfolding into a little person. The doctor catches the baby expertly, peels back the sack and, in one swift movement, places the baby on my friend's chest as blood and ooooky bits pour out of my friend into a large bowl. My friend and her husband look at her baby (a boy) delightedly before he is whisked over to the little baby platform under a bright light that they've got in the labour room (I dunno what it's called). I am in tears as the miracle of what I've just witnessed dawns on me. All these hours and hours of horrible, intense pain have all just culminated into the arrival of a tiny little person. Watching his head and shoulders emerge from her vagina, however "too much info" that may be, is possibly the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed to date.

My friend needed stitches, and was stitched up after she passed the placenta, which I was disgusted to see was as big as the baby itself. "How did you fit that all in there?" I wanted to know. It was amazing. The nurse showed us all the various parts of the placenta as the baby was taken away, having swallowed some of the amniotic fluid and the meconium. The green tinge was a result of baby having been stressed at some point during the pregnancy and pooing inside the sack. He was covered in little bits of it. After my friend was stitched up and the drama had calmed down, we all adjourned for the evening. I got home at 05:30.

I returned six or seven hours later with my father and sister to meet the baby properly and have my first hold of him. He was so sweet. I was bubbling over with excitement, despite the tiredness. What a hell of a ride. The labour was pure hell, but the birth was magical.